BlueTiger's Dumb & Dumber
by BlueTiger321
Summary: Fanmake of the movie. Two best friends, Josh and Martin, set off on a road trip to return a briefcase to a woman named Korra. The problem is that between the two of them, Josh and Martin are dumber than a bag of rocks. Hilarity will ensue.
1. Prologue: Idiocy Redefined

Prologue: Idiocy Redefined

BlueTiger321: Hi everyone! I'm back after months of no posting. If you've read my Upcoming Stories, then you should know that this is a cartoon crossover fanmake of _Dumb & Dumber_. I'm really excited to write this because it's one of my all-time favourite movies. It took me a while to figure out who would be perfect for the cast, so I went with the two biggest love-struck idiots I could think of. So, on with the legal parts: _Dumb & Dumber_ is property of New Line Cinema and the brilliant minds of the Farrelly Brothers, and all characters used for the cast are property of their respectful owners. Also, this story is rated T for crude humour, language, alcohol and tobacco use, and suggestive material. And for the purposes of this story, I'm going to make it take place in the same year the film came out because there are some parts that would make no sense if it took place in the present time. And I know that there's music that takes place in the background of the movie, so I'm not going to put in the lyrics for any of them, except for the one song that the main characters sing. So sit back and expect lots of stupidity and laughter!

* * *

It was a pleasant day in the year 1994 in Providence, Rhode Island. The sun was shining down and cast its warm rays despite the chilling feeling in the air and kept snow from ending up on the ground, which was an indication that spring had just arrived. People were going about their business as usual like it was any other day. Some civilians were waiting at the bus stop near Hope Street to start off their days, which included a woman in red named Madame Rouge (_Teen Titans_) who kept looking up the road to check for any sign of the bus.

A black limousine came down the street at a leisurely pace but then it suddenly screeched its tires when the driver made an abrupt stop. Madame Rouge noticed it and felt perplexed by why it did it so unexpectedly. What was even more shocking to her was that the limousine went into reverse and stopped just a few feet in front of her. A few seconds passed and the passenger's side window in the back was pulled down.

The limo's passenger stuck his head out, who was a tan-skinned, twenty-seven-year-old man dressed in a black business suit. His short black hair was styled to the back of his head and had a small yellow mark on the left side shaped like a lightning bolt. His blue eyes looked up at the woman in front of him and he put on a pleasant smile in the hopes of getting her attention. This man went by the name of Josh Kirkpatrick.

"Excuse me?" asked Josh. "Could you tell me how to get to the medical school? I'm supposed to be doing a lecture in about twenty minutes, and my driver's a bit lost." Josh hoped that the ruse would work and the woman would speak to him so he could size himself up for what he was about to do next.

Madame Rouge smiled politely in return and pointed down the street to give the directions. She spoke with an Austrian accent saying, "You go straight ahead, and, uh, you make a left over the bridge."

The way that the woman spoke to him made Josh realize that it was worth it to talk to her. He then decided that it was time for what he set out to do, which was to hit on her. His eyes narrowed and he curved his smile even wider. "That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?"

Madame Rouge knew where this was going, so she rolled her eyes and said, "Austria."

"Austria!" Josh was surprised by the answer so he spoke with an Australian accent to get on the woman's good side, not realizing that he confused the two countries. "Well, then… G'day, mate!" After a short chuckle he took it another step further. "Let's put another shrimp on the barbie."

"Let's not," said Madame Rouge.

Josh sensed that he was getting nowhere with this woman, so he nodded in thanks for the directions and put his head back into the limousine. It collided between the gap so he was forced to turn his head. He rolled up the window, only to let it hit his nose before rolling it back down a few inches and sticking his head in farther and rolling up the window completely.

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, there's the prologue. Sorry to leave it so short but it's how I've envisioned this story.

Josh: Aw, man! Why'd I have to strike out with that girl?

BlueTiger321: How do you think? Because you're an idiot!

Josh: Not helping.

BlueTiger321: So folks, stay tuned for the next chapter when the rest of the cast make their appearance. Until next time…

Josh: Read and review!


	2. Chapter 1: Lost Luggage

Chapter 1: Lost Luggage

BlueTiger321: Okay, so now we're back for the next chapter, and we get to meet the rest of the cast. Some of them are smart, while the others are not so much. Enjoy!

* * *

**BlueTiger321 prezents…**

After striking out with the woman, Josh cut his losses and returned to his duty by donning his chauffeur cap. Someday, he thought, he would find the right girl and spend the rest of his life with her. All he had to do was keep looking and never give up.

…**in Associashun with BlueTiger321 Studios**

Josh climbed back into the driver's seat where he fumbled around to get back in the right position, accidentally honking the horn in the process.

**A BlueTiger321 Producktion**

When he was finally seated right, he buckled himself in and got ready to drive off.

**A BlueTiger321 Story**

After putting the limousine in drive, he held out his hand past the window straight to indicate that he was turning left. Driving in the limousine was a boring job for him so he let out a loud yawn while heading for his destination. He knew that this job was only temporary but necessary in order for him and his friend to start their business, so he would endure it for the sake of that. Plus, he thought, the job did have its perks.

**Kirby Morrow as Josh Kirkpatrick**

So onward Josh kept driving with the desire to pick up the client and complete this job as soon as possible.

**Sam Vincent as Martin Mystery**

**BLUETIGER'S DUMB & DUMBER**

Josh drove his limousine past a plaza where he happened to notice a familiar van parked in the parking lot and wondered why it was there and not where it was supposed to be but knew that it would be fine since the person in charge would get his work done.

**Janet Varney as Korra**

The person in question was coming out of a nearby delicatessen with a small paper bag in his hands. It was a twenty-seven-year-old man with brown eyes and his blonde hair standing up in spikes, but right now it was being covered by the dog costume that he wore, which really made him stand out from the crowd. This man was Martin Mystery, and he was Josh's best friend.

**Tara Strong as Harley Quinn**

Martin walked back over to his van, which, much like him, matched his dog costume and stood out from the other vehicles. The entire van, except for the windshield, windows and tires, was covered with synthetic fur while fake legs were attached over the wheels. Over the van's grill was a fake dog's mouth with its tongue sticking out and a big, black nose situated near the hood. On the sides of the van was a sign that was in the shape of a dog tag that said _Mutt Cutts, Providence, R.I._

Like Josh, this was Martin's temporary job as a dog groomer to help them to start their business.

**Karen Dyer as Sheva Alomar**

Martin climbed into the driver's seat with his bag in tow and got ready to drive out of the parking lot and back to completing his current assignment.

**Scott McNeil as Cain**

The van's ignition was started and so Martin drove out of the parking lot and back onto the road.

**Dee Bradley Baker as Tarrlok**

**T.J. Storm as Brad Garrison**

**Harry Shearer as Eddie**

As Martin continued to drive down the street, he reached into the bag that he placed on the passenger's seat and felt around for something that he could pull out easily. The first thing he pulled out was a sandwich wrapped in yellow paper.

**And Alex McKenna as Senna**

"Now, who's got the wiener schnitzel?" said Martin.

The immediate response was a dog barking. Martin turned his back and saw a brown Greyhound come in from the back of the van with a hungry look in its eyes.

**Kasting by BlueTiger321**

"Beautiful, Santa's Little Helper" said Martin. "There you go. There you go, buddy. Yeah."

The sandwich was handed over to the dog by Martin, and so it went back to where it was with the sandwich wedged in its mouth.

**Costoom Designer: BlueTiger321**

Martin reached back in the bag for the next sandwich while still keeping his eyes on the road. Out of the bag he pulled another sandwich that was wrapped in tin foil. He held it up close to his face and pulled out the foil with his teeth.

"Next, we've got roast beef au jus," he said. "Who's got the roast beef au jus?"

**Muzik Supervisor: BlueTiger321**

A Great Dane came out from behind the curtain whining for the food. Martin looked back and gave the sandwich to the dog.

**Muzik by BlueTiger321**

"Scooby-Doo, beautiful," said Martin. "Bon appetit, Scooby. Yeah, yeah." All that commotion was taking Martin's eyes off the road so he shoved the sandwich to the dog while turning back to the road. "Walk away. Go on, go on."

**Associate Prodooser: BlueTiger321**

The last item in the bag was pulled out and Martin saw it was a hot dog wrapped in foil. "Last but not least—foot-long! Who's got the foot-long?"

There was a slight whimper, and so Martin turned around to give the hot dog to the dog, saying, "There you-" but then paused to see that it was a Chihuahua. The man gave the dog a sarcastic look and shoved it back into the van with his elbow instead of giving it the hot dog, thinking it would never be able to eat the whole thing. "Very funny, Tito. Very funny. In your dreams."

Suddenly a call came over the radio, and Martin knew that it was from his boss, a man named Hank Hill. _"Martin, why haven't you dropped off those dogs at the show yet?"_

**Co-Prodooser: BlueTiger321**

Martin picked up his transmitter and said, "Uh, sir, I didn't want to send them to a performance on an empty stomach, sir."

_"Get a move on it!"_

"Yes, sir. Mutt Cutts, 10-4."

**Editur: BlueTiger321**

Martin definitely knew not to upset his boss so he made sure to get to his destination fast. In doing so, he turned a sharp right and cut off a driver who was going straight and nearly collided with the vehicle.

The van went so fast that the dogs in the back slid around the floor and whined while some of them collided into the sides. During the commotion, the sandwiches that Martin ordered got knocked around the van before the dogs could take a bite out of them. All the dogs tried to keep their footing but to no avail as there was nothing to keep them steady in the speeding van.

**Producktion Designer: BlueTiger321**

Onward the van sped down the street. Martin was so fixated on completing his job that he was practically oblivious to everything around him, including the sound of a horn from another driver he cut off.

The dogs had also let out barks when they collided into each other, but the man did nothing as he had put headphones over his ears and blasted music to drown out all other sound around him. Soon, he thought, he'd get his job done and get paid, because that was all that mattered. Finding the next intersection, he made a sharp left and cut off another driver while the dogs continued to have a miserable time in the back.

* * *

**Director of Fotography: BlueTiger321**

Meanwhile, Josh had reached his destination, which was a fabulous mansion in the wealthiest part of Providence. Coming to an abrupt stop, the tires on the limousine screeched and so Josh put his vehicle in park and got a look around the area. Judging from what he saw, whoever lived here obviously did well for himself if he could afford to live in a house like that and order limo service.

**Wrote by BlueTiger321**

"Whew," said Josh, feeling impressed by the house. "Suck me sideways."

**Prodoosed by BlueTiger321**

Josh then got out of the limousine and headed over to the huge set of doors where he proceeded by banging numerous times on the door knockers to let the client know that he arrived. When he was done, he straightened himself out.

**Durected by BlueTiger321**

The door eventually opened and the person who answered was not who Josh was expecting. It was a twenty-six-year-old woman with tanned skin and blue eyes like him, and brown hair that was tied into a ponytail at her back and also tied into her bangs at each side. She was dressed in a sleeveless blue shirt as well as dark blue pants and brown boots, and kept a brown fur pelt wrapped around her waist. On each of her wrists was a long blue band, and an ornate arm band was wrapped close to her right shoulder. Since the weather was cold, she also wore a blue fur coat.

The woman gave Josh a pleasant smile and knew that he was the chauffeur she called. "Hello. How are you?"

Upon seeing the woman, the man immediately froze because she had to be the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Time seemed to stop for Josh as he was too afraid to say anything. He knew that he would find the perfect woman for him but never thought it would be this fast. All he could say was, "Uh, uh, uh…"

The woman stepped out and placed her purse on the front door step. "I'll be out in one minute," she said.

The only response Josh gave was a mumble and a nod, so he watched as the woman went back into the house and shut the door. When Josh was all alone, he leaned into a corner and grasped his heart like he had been struck by Cupid's arrow. "Ow," he said, thinking that it sort of hurt.

Seeing her was probably the best thing that ever happened to him and he had to take advantage of the situation. Fumbling around in his pockets, he searched for what he needed at that very second. It wasn't long until he pulled out a little bottle of breath-refreshing spray. Josh shook the bottle and held it close to his mouth where he pressed down on the top but didn't realize that the spray was on the other side and so it sprayed away from his mouth. He inhaled and then exhaled while he prepared himself to get to know this girl.

Eventually both Josh and his passenger were in the limousine and drove away from the house. Josh knew that this was his chance to get to know this girl since it would still be a while until they reached where she needed to go. He looked at her from the rear-view mirror and saw her sit beautifully in the back while looking out the window nonchalantly.

"Why you goin' to the airport?" asked Josh. "Flying somewhere?"

In turn the woman turned over to the chauffeur and thought it was rather polite of him to ask, but thought the answer was rather obvious. Still, she decided to humour him. "How'd you guess?"

"I saw your luggage. Then when I saw the airline ticket, I put two and two together. So where're you headed?"

"Aspen."

Josh nodded with approval and said, "Mmm… California. Beautiful."

The woman gave the man an odd stare and rotated her eyes since she knew that he had the wrong state; Aspen is in Colorado.

"Name's Kirkpatrick, Josh Kirkpatrick."

"I'm Korra Stinson."

(A/N: I just made up a last name for Korra since she doesn't technically have one and I had to come up with a last name that starts with S.)

"This isn't my real job, you know," said Josh.

Korra looked up at him and felt curious by his sudden statement. "No?" she asked.

"Nope, my friend Martin and I are savin' up our money to open our own pet store."

Giving the man a short smile, Korra said, "That's nice." She really couldn't understand why this man was opening up to her like this since he would most likely never see her again.

Josh looked back up at the mirror to look at Korra again and said, "I Got Worms."

That phrase had struck Korra as odd. "I beg your pardon?"

"That's what we're gonna call it—I Got Worms. We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms."

Korra wasn't really paying attention to what Josh was saying. Her mind was occupied elsewhere as she grasped her gloves that she kept over the briefcase on her lap. She felt so nervous about what was going to happen that she was sure her stomach would clench at any moment. Many questions suddenly rushed through her mind: What if something went wrong on her end? What if the deal was suddenly called off? What if they wanted more?

Josh noticed this and decided to put her mind at ease, not knowing what it was she was thinking about. "What's the matter? A little tense about the flight?"

The question brought Korra back to reality, so she looked up at Josh and said, "Something like that."

At that point Josh took it upon himself to calm her down, so he turned around to look at her and took his eyes off the road while he was still driving down the street. "There's really nothing to worry about, Korra. Statistically, they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport."

Korra noticed that Josh wasn't paying attention to the road, which he should've been doing, so she did her best to direct him back to his task. "Uh, uh…" she said in desperation.

But Josh continued his rant, saying, "You know, like in a head-on crash, or flying off a cliff, or getting trapped under a gas truck—that's the worst." If Josh was paying attention, he should've seen that he drove through a red light while an oncoming truck honked its horn. "I have this cousin… Well, I _had_ this cousin. He's like…" Josh then stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry to indicate his cousin was dead.

Josh and Korra managed to avoid getting into a collision at the intersection, but the other drivers weren't as lucky as there was a huge explosion that neither of them seemed to notice.

"Josh," said Korra, "could you keep your eyes on the road, please?" She was already so nervous that she didn't need someone to get her injured, let alone remind her of it.

The man soon realized his folly and returned to driving. "Oh, yeah." He then gave a thumbs up to Korra. "Good thinking. Can't be too careful. A lot of bad drivers out there."

* * *

On the other side of Providence, Martin was still speeding through the streets. He saw that another intersection was coming up so he made a sharp right and almost ran into a jogger named Bob Belcher.

"Hey, watch it!" shouted Bob.

The van was going so fast that when it reached an incline it seemed to fly through the air, causing all the dogs to whimper. A loud crash was heard when the tires hit the street hard.

Martin had eventually reached his stop, the Providence's Pedigreed Pooches show, and so he brought the van to a screeching halt. He got out of the van and said to the dogs, "Okay, gang. You know the rules: no humping, no pushing, no sniffing heinies."

The man had barely gotten out of the van when a woman named Edna Krabappel walked up with an angry look on her face. "Where have you been?" she said in a demanding tone. "My dogs were supposed to be here forty minutes ago! Now, I hardly have any time to primp them!"

Martin and his client walked over to the back of the van. The man knew that she was upset but he was going to make sure that everything was all right. "Don't you worry about a thing, Mrs. Crabapple."

"Krabappel!" she corrected.

Martin felt embarrassed for the mispronunciation so he fumbled his mouth to get it right. "Krab… Krab…"

"…appel!" she said.

"…appel," said Martin. "These pooches aren't gonna need any primping. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because I bathed them and I clipped them myself. And I stand by my performance."

To show her what he meant, Martin opened the back doors of his van. Edna looked inside to see if he was telling the truth, but instead she opened her mouth and let out shocked whimpers.

Martin kept on smiling, thinking that Edna was surprised to see her dogs so well taken care of, until he actually looked into the van and saw all the dogs had blotches of ketchup and mustard all over their fur.

"You know," said Martin, "on second thought, you might just want to run a comb through 'em." He knew that this wasn't good and he was going to get fired… again.

* * *

Josh had driven Korra to the airport. He took the last of her luggage out of the trunk, closed it, and gave the bag to her, which she slung around her shoulder.

"Thanks," said Korra. She then presented Josh with a few dollar bills as payment for his service. "Here you go."

"Oh no, Korra," Josh protested. "I couldn't possibly accept that, not after all we've been through."

Not wanting to argue with him, Korra placed the money back in her purse and thought it was both polite and naïve of the man to not accept payment.

"Thank you, Josh," said Korra. With a lack of anything else to say she said, "Uh, good luck with your worms."

Korra was about to walk into the terminal when Josh stopped her and made her turn around. "Hey," he said, and then opened his arms. "How about a hug?"

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. Korra didn't really know what to do since she really had no time for this sort of thing but once again decided to humour Josh. She walked back over to the man where he immediately embraced her.

Josh took in a deep breath, knowing that this was so good for him without noticing the strange look on Korra's face. "I hate goodbyes!" he said. After a short while, he groaned and shook her body before letting her go.

Korra then said, "Uh, Josh—"

The man stopped her by putting his finger to her lips while making a shushing noise. "Just go," he whispered, not wanting to ruin the moment.

Again, Korra did not want to make a fuss about it so she turned around and walked into the terminal while she rolled her eyes and made a silent whistle.

Josh stood next to the limousine as he watched the most beautiful woman he ever saw walk out of his life. He hugged himself while trying to hold back tears at the heartbreaking scene before him. He knew that he would never find another woman as perfect as her, but he would have to accept what had been laid out before him. He stayed outside until Korra walked into the terminal and vanished from his sight.

In a whimpering voice, Josh said, "Be strong." He kept that thought in his head while he made his way back into the limousine where he sighed, started the ignition, put the limo into drive and headed out of the airport.

Korra continued her trek inside the terminal. This was where it would all happen. She would hold up her end of the bargain and this nightmare would finally be over. As she made her way over to the spot, two people walked out of the crowd and kept their eyes on her.

The first one was a man who looked to be in his mid to late thirties with slightly tanned skin, brown eyes and reddish-purple hair styled in dreadlocks. He was clothed in a grey and red suit that had no sleeves to show off his muscular arms. A beard stuck out from his chin and travelled along his jaw, and an eye-shaped tattoo sat at the base of his forehead. This man went by the name Cain.

The second one was a woman in her late twenties who had her blonde hair styled in pigtails with the left one having the tip dyed red and the right one dyed black. Her clothing consisted of a red and black dress that alternated in colour on each side, but her most distinguishing features were the tattoos on her right arm and abdomen and her ghostly white face with her piercing blue eyes. Her name was Harley Quinn.

Both Cain and Harley stayed in close proximity of Korra since they were responsible for picking up what she was supposed to drop off in the airport—and they were certain not to make any mistakes.

"She's gonna leave the briefcase near the escalator," Cain said to Harley. "You make the pickup."

Harley spoke with a Brooklyn accent and said, "Piece o' cake." This job was going to be easy, and she knew since Korra wanted it to be done.

Meanwhile, Josh continued his drive out of the airport, still distraught over the thought of never seeing Korra again. That's when he happened to glance over his shoulder and saw her walking. Josh couldn't take it anymore: he had to confess his true feelings for her even though she couldn't hear him.

With a weighty heart he stretched out his arm and said, "Goodbye, my lo—" But it turned out to be a mistake as Josh paid no attention to the road and ran the limousine into a parked car. The airbag was deployed to save Josh's life and it knocked him to his seat.

Korra lowered her briefcase to the floor, but then she turned to her left when she thought she heard something. Out past the window was Josh again who was trapped in the front seat by the airbag.

Waving and laughing back at Korra, Josh said, "Hi!"

The woman felt awkward for seeing Josh like that but was glad to know that he was safe, so she gave a half smile and waved back at him before leaving.

It was during that time that Josh noticed that she left her briefcase on the floor. Josh couldn't believe it—he had accidentally caused Korra to forget her briefcase. He fought back against the airbag to get out but was making slow progress, so he thought to call out to get her attention. "Korra!" he shouted. Now, he thought, he would have to get to her before it was too late.

By then Cain and Harley walked over to see the briefcase on the floor just like they planned. Now was there chance to get it.

"There's our payday," said Cain. "She left it. Let's go."

The duo walked over to get the briefcase but they were suddenly halted when a loud voice interrupted them.

"Excuse me! Coming through!" shouted Josh.

With lightning quick reflexes, Josh slid on his back between Cain and Harley and snatched the briefcase before either of them could get to it, leaving them shocked at the display.

Josh then got to his feet and ran over to the escalator in the hopes of catching Korra before she left and almost ran into a bystander in the process. "Move it or lose it, sister!" he shouted.

Cain and Harley stared at each other, confused by what just happened. Some random fool had gotten in their way of completing their task and was now on the run. Their expressions turned to anger as they would have to now follow this man and get the briefcase back, or else they would suffer the consequences, which made the job that much more intolerable.

Up the escalator Josh continued running and knocked another person out of the way. When he was clear he panted and ran over to the screens that showed the list of departures. He quickly scanned the list to find the plane leaving for Aspen.

"Eeny, meeny, miney…" Josh said while checking the departures. When he found the one for Aspen, he smiled and said, "…mo!"

Josh then ran down to his left to find the corresponding gate and hoped that Korra had not already left by then.

At the gate the airport's gatekeeper, a man named Izuru Kira, took down the sign to show that the plane had already departed and was headed for Aspen.

Josh ran as quickly as he could to the gate and shouted, "Hold that plane!" He then made a beeline for the jetway.

Izuru saw this and shouted after him. "Sir, you can't go in there!"

In response, Josh turned around and showed the man his ID tag. "It's okay!" he said. "I'm a limo driver!" When it was done, he turned back around and resumed his running down the jetway.

Izuru tried to warn the man, but rather than run after him he walked over to the window where the jetway ended and saw Josh run out and fall down screaming onto the airstrip. The sight of it made Izuru narrow his eyes and say, "Ooh…" as he felt sorry for the man and the pain he felt from that fall.

Out on the airstrip, Josh lied still on his back and groaned in pain. But the pain of not reaching Korra and returning her lost briefcase was far worse.

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, that's the end of the first chapter!

Josh: Ow! That fall really hurt!

Korra: Well, that's what you get for being a big dummy!

Josh: You think I'm a dummy? =( Aw, man! This is the worst day ever!

BlueTiger321: So folks, stay tuned for the next chapter where the two friends reunite after a hard day, and more hilarity will come. Until next time…

Korra: Read and review!


	3. Chapter 2: A Miserable Life

Chapter 2: A Miserable Life

BlueTiger321: All right! So Josh had just missed catching Korra and returning her briefcase. What's he and Martin gonna do next? Read on and find out.

* * *

It was now afternoon, and Josh and Martin had returned to their home: a brown brick apartment building in the slums of Providence that had laundry hanging from the windows. Martin parked his van on the side of the street. Even though he was no longer employed at Mutt Cutts, he still owned the van and it still had the trademark dog covering around it. Josh came up next in a taxi after his employment was also terminated from the result of his employers discovering that he was involved in two hit-and-runs as well as wrecking one of their limousines.

Martin stepped out of the van and was now dressed in his regular clothes, which were a white T-shirt underneath a red and yellow unbuttoned shirt, khaki pants, a necklace with a red bead in the centre, and red and white sneakers.

Josh got out of the taxi, paid the cabbie for the trip and walked up next to Martin with the briefcase still in his possession. They then walked up to their apartment together while the other tenets went about their own business. It had been another bad day for them just like all the others.

"Hi, Josh," said Martin.

"Hi, Martin," said Josh.

"How was your day?"

"Not bad. Fell off the jetway again."

Not long after the two of them entered the apartment building, a brown Cadillac drove up to the curb. Harley sat at the driver's seat while Cain sat next to her. They followed Josh closely from the airport and were determined to get the briefcase back after the mishap in the terminal—but first they had to study their target closely before acting.

"Who the hell you figure this guy's workin' for, anyway?" said Harley.

"I don't know," replied Cain. "We sure as hell better find out."

A few seconds afterward, Cain took out a prescription bottle and ingested some of the pills inside. Harley looked at her cohort, thinking about his condition and why he was overmedicating himself so recklessly.

"The ulcer?" said Harley.

"I'll live," said Cain.

* * *

Josh and Martin entered their apartment, which was a dreary grey area with a kitchen, bathroom and one bedroom. They sat in the living room where the only furnishings were a leather chair, a couch, a lamp, a nightstand, and a poster of a woman in a swimsuit on the wall. Josh took the chair and set the briefcase on the nightstand while Martin sat on the couch. They sat in silence for a while as the light from the windows bathed them and they felt what little heat they could from the nearby radiator.

It was absolutely miserable for both of them and neither one of them was willing to admit what happened to them today, so Martin went first and asked Josh.

"So you got fired again, huh?" said Martin.

"Oh yeah," said Josh. "They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?" He then shook his head and made a gesture with his hands like his reason for getting fired was so unclear.

"Yeah, well, I lost my job too."

Hearing that put Josh in high spirits and he couldn't help but smile and laugh at Martin's misery. "Man! You are one pathetic loser." Josh could not see that what he was saying was somewhat of an inferiority complex, but he kept laughing. "No offense."

Martin waved his hand apologetically and said, "No, none taken."

Josh then stood up while he kept up his laughter and walked towards the kitchen. He passed by a birdcage where a brown and beige bird known as a Pidgey was kept and a table where an ant farm that was full of worms and other objects were placed. Opening the fridge, Josh pulled out two beer bottles.

"You know what really chaffs my ass, though?" said Martin. "I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog."

Josh walked back into the living room and looked at the Pidgey in the birdcage. "Hi, Paulie!" he called out, referring to the Pidgey's name.

"The alarm alone cost me two hundred," Martin continued.

Josh gave his friend one of the beers and said, "Hey! Chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon."

Both men twisted off the caps of their beer bottles. For two guys like them, it was the only remedy for having such a terrible day.

Martin then happened to notice the briefcase on the nightstand. He never remembered having anything to do with it so he figured that Josh brought it inside. "What's with the briefcase?" he asked.

Josh waited for a few seconds and then fondled the briefcase like it was a newborn baby. "It's a love memento," he replied. His mind then raced through all the memories of Korra while he told the tale of how he met her. "The most beautiful woman alive, I drove her to the airport. Sparks flew, emotions ran high. She actually talked to me, man." Josh had no idea that he was being delusional of how Korra actually saw him.

Martin couldn't believe what his friend was saying. "Get outta here."

"Oh yeah, yeah. Tractor beam"—he then made a gesture with his hands and whistled as though it was some kind of laser—"sucked me right in. Anyway, she left this in the terminal and flew to Aspen and out of my life."

When he was done Josh took a swig of his beer, but still kept the memory of Korra fresh in his mind.

"What's in it?" asked Martin.

The question made Josh look at his friend like it was something that should never have been asked. "Man… I would have to be a lowlife to go rootin' around in somebody else's private property."

"Is it locked?"

"Yeah, really well." To prove his point, Josh lifted the briefcase slightly by its handle and slammed it on the nightstand that made a loud bang.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, so the two friends put down their beers and walked over to the entrance without opening up. Martin looked through the eyehole and saw two people he didn't recognize, who were actually Cain and Harley. The woman stood at the door while the man stood in the back and got his Smith & Wesson ready.

"There's two of them. One of them's got a gun," whispered Martin.

Josh thought about who would ever want to hurt them—and that's when he came up with the only plausible explanation. "Did you pay the gas bill?" he whispered.

In response, Martin looked up at his friend with a terrified expression; he forgot to pay the gas bill. He was about to apologize for his mistake when Josh grabbed him by the head and almost made him yelp.

"Do you realize what you've done?" Josh whispered with a disappointed look on his face.

"I'm sorry," Martin whispered back. "I say we bail."

There was a moment of silence and Josh considered their options. They barely had enough money for anything, let alone paying the gas bill. Running seemed to be their best choice so he said, "Okay."

Josh and Martin then slowly made their way over to the fire escape in the kitchen, and Josh made sure to grab the briefcase on the way out. When they were finally safe, they ran over to the van so they could find new jobs and to stay out of sight until the heat went down.

* * *

Meanwhile, Cain and Harley had broken into Josh and Martin's apartment. Cain stood in the kitchen and slammed a cupboard in anger after he failed to find the briefcase.

"Briefcase ain't here; they must've taken it with 'em," he said.

Harley snorted in disappointment. "Well, he's gotta come home sometime."

"Maybe we should trash the place, send him a little message."

The woman glanced around the apartment and figured that it was already a dump, so trashing it seemed irrelevant. "I don't think he's gonna get that message, Cain." She gestured over to the worm farm and said, "I mean, the guy's got worms in his living room."

Cain looked around for anything he could use to scare the two men—and he noticed the birdcage and Paulie chirping happily. Then he figured that it would hurt emotionally if the boys lost something near and dear to them. "Oh, I got a better idea," he said devilishly.

Cain walked over to the birdcage and opened it up. He stuck his hand inside while Paulie tried to back away as best he could. "I tawt I taw a putty tat," said Cain, impersonating Sylvester the Cat. "Ooh, I did, I did."

There was a loud squawk as Cain narrowed his eyes and grin maliciously, and then nothing. What Cain had done made Harley stare at him with fear in her eyes. Now, she thought, she knew never to get on Cain's bad side.

* * *

Night time had settled in and Josh and Martin returned home after a long day, figuring it was long enough for the two mysterious people to leave them alone. The van was parked on the side of the street and the two friends stepped out with irritated looks on their faces. Their plan to find new jobs had not gone as well as they thought it would.

"I can't believe we drove around all day and there's not a single job in this town," said Martin. "There is nothing, nada, zip!"

"Yeah," said Josh, "unless you want to work forty hours a week."

Martin scoffed the comment, not knowing that was the usual number of hours for a regular job. "I knew I shouldn't have quit my job as a paranormal mystery investigator."

It was then that Josh handed the briefcase to Martin and produced what money he had left on him. "Here. I'm gonna go to the store."

"Okay, just get the bare essentials. This is the last of our dough."

That comment made Josh stare at his friend like he should've given him more credit than that. "Hey," he said. "What do I look like?" He thought that he would get the bare essentials.

* * *

Not long afterward, Josh walked down the street with two cases of beer in his arms with pinwheels sticking out of the top case, a paddleball in his hand and a large novelty cowboy hat on his head. He enjoyed the paddleball so much that he swung it around madly. The ball then hit a newspaper stand that sold adult magazines.

(A/N: To make sure that no one gets offended, I'm not going to name the magazine.)

Josh got a peek at the magazines. The women on them definitely seemed hot, but still nowhere near as hot as Korra. But maybe he could still fantasize about her, he thought. He set the paddleball on top of the stand and dug out his wallet to get the right amount of change.

The coins were put into the slot, so Josh grabbed his wallet and opened the door. The same hand that grasped the wallet was also being used to grab a magazine, but all the weight of holding onto the beer cases made it more difficult to get his fingers around it. When he was sure that he had a magazine, Josh swiftly brought in his hand and let the door slam shut. It was only then that he realized that in doing so he let go of the wallet. Josh knelt down to look at his wallet trapped within the stand, and his face showed frustration.

"Cripes!" he said.

The worst part of it was that he had no other change to get the wallet out, so he would have to find another way. He set the beer cases onto an adjacent newspaper stand and started looking for someone who would give him change for his last dollar. That's when he noticed an elderly woman named Madam Foster strolling down the sidewalk in her cart who had just passed by him.

"Excuse me, little old lady," Josh called out.

Madam Foster heard the call and stopped before putting her cart into reverse, forcing Josh to back away and slam into the stand until the old woman was next to him.

"Uh," Josh said, feeling a little embarrassed, "do you have change for a dollar?"

"Change?" said Madam Foster. "No, I'm sorry, I don't."

"Oh." Josh had given up; this whole thing was now a fruitless endeavour. So he immediately came up with a plan. "Well, uh, could you do me a favour and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?"

"Of course," said Madam Foster.

"Thanks." Josh walked away but then came back to look the old woman in the eye. "Hey. I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose." Josh then walked away. "I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!"

Madam Foster was then left by herself with a smile on her face, happy to help the young man but feeling a little insulted by the remark about senior citizens.

* * *

Josh made his way back to the apartment, no longer wearing the cowboy hat, and he slammed the door and fell to the floor in defeat. Martin sat there on the couch and he stared at his friend while he sulked.

"Where's the booze?" said Martin.

Rather than explain to his friend about what really happened, Josh told a lie that he hoped that Martin would believe. "I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart." He then shook a fist and gritted his teeth. "And I didn't even see it coming."

As if it wasn't bad news enough that they weren't getting any beer, Martin moaned while he stared at the floor.

"Martin," Josh said, trying to cheer up his friend.

"No, no," said Martin and waved his hand.

Josh sat next to Martin and tried to find out what was wrong. "Martin, come on. Cheer up."

"It gets worse, Josh. My Pidgey, Paulie…"

"Yeah?"

Martin then went teary-eyed as he dreaded saying the next few words but knew they had to be said. "He's dead."

The news came to Josh like a splash of cold water to the face. Feeling sympathetic he said, "Aw… Oh man, I'm sorry, Martin. What happened?"

"His head fell off!"

That news made Josh go wide-eyed in disbelief. "His head fell off?"

"Yeah, he was pretty old."

Josh couldn't believe it, so he walked over to the birdcage to make sure that Martin was telling the truth or playing a cruel joke. He looked inside and then looked away in disgust when he saw Paulie's decapitated body in the birdcage.

"That's it! I've had it with this dump!" Josh yelled in frustration. He then counted off all the bad things that had befallen him and Martin. "We got no food; we got no jobs… Our pets' heads are falling off!"

Now it was Martin's turn to get his friend under control. "Okay, just calm down!"

But Josh would not listen to reason. "What the hell are we doing here, Martin? We've gotta get out of this town!"

"Yeah? And go where? We are we gonna go?"

Martin was right: there was nothing for them anywhere outside of Providence. But Josh was determined to prove him wrong. Somewhere there was somebody waiting for them with something important.

"I'll tell you where," said Josh. "Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful woman instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano."

The whole idea seemed crazy to Martin, but he decided to hear Josh out for the sake of making him feel better.

Josh finished by saying, "I'm talking about a little place called Aspen."

"I don't know, Josh—the French are assholes," said Martin. But then Martin thought back and remembered Josh talking about that same place, and now it all figured together. He stood up off the couch and looked at Josh with a scrutinizing glare.

"Wait a minute," said Martin. "Wait a minute! I know what you're up to, mister." He was now talking like he was a father punishing his child. "Yeah, you just want to go to Aspen and find that girl who lost her briefcase, and you need me to drive you there! Right? Am I right? Am I right?"

The questions kept coming, so Josh kept yelling out, "Yeah! So? Yeah! So?"

The tension settled down and Josh gave Martin another reason for going. "So I wanna go someplace where we know somebody who can plug us into the social pipeline."

"No! No, no, no, no, Josh! No!" Martin said as he marched around the apartment. Now he was convinced that the whole idea of helping someone else when they couldn't even help themselves was stupid. "I say we stay here, we hunt for jobs, and we keep saving our money for the worm store!"

Josh turned away from his friend and looked out the window. Hearing his own friend reject his idea was like a stab in the heart and he could no longer take it. He always believed that Martin would support him and now hearing this made him feel like life was no longer worth living.

"I don't know about you," said Martin, "but I am getting sick and tired of running from creditors!"

When he was sure that Martin was done, Josh turned his head and stared at him with sad-filled eyes. "You know what I'm sick and tired of, Martin? I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life."

Martin then stared down at the floor, thinking that that was something that he was sick and tired of, too, but hearing it come from Josh made him see that it wasn't always about him. Now he was regretting saying those selfish words.

Josh looked out the window again and said, "I'm sick and tired of being a nobody. But most of all…" Josh then felt like he was going to choke up, so he looked back at Martin to see if there was one last chance to convince him. "I'm sick and tired of having nobody."

Martin then smiled. He and Josh were best friends, so he decided that they should stick together no matter what. "Okay, Josh," he said, and made his friend turn back to him. "Aspen it is."

With outstretched hands, Martin invited his friend over to him.

Josh felt tears in his eyes as he was overjoyed to see his friend finally support him. "You better not be foolin'."

But Martin wasn't fooling. He nodded his head and gestured Josh to come over to him. Josh accepted the invitation and so he walked over to embrace his friend and wept in his arms.

Martin patted his friend on the back while he hugged Josh. "Okay, okay," he said. "Just let it out. Have a good cry." Josh continued to cry and Martin still comforted him. "Okay, come on." Another sob and Martin nodded his head. "Okay, that's enough."

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, it looks like the two friends are going to Aspen.

Josh: I can't believe that you're doing this for me.

Martin: Hey, that's what friends are for.

Josh: *sobs*

Martin: Okay, okay! You've already covered that.

Josh: Oh, sorry.

BlueTiger321: So folks, stay tuned when the two set out on their road trip. Until next time…

Josh and Martin: Read and review!


	4. Chapter 3: Road Trip

Chapter 3: Road Trip

BlueTiger321: So now that Josh and Martin have made their decision, it's time for me to write about their adventure. If you hadn't laughed before, then you're definitely gonna laugh out loud now! Enjoy!

* * *

The next day had arrived and Josh and Martin woke up early to get on the highway to head for Aspen. Due to their lack of funds, they could not afford airline tickets and were forced to drive the whole way. But they both knew that it was going to be a great experience with just the two of them out on the open road in the van.

Martin drove while Josh sat beside him and was now clothed in his regular apparel: a black T-shirt with a big red stripe going down the centre, black fingerless gloves, blue jeans with a chain dangling from the right side, and black shoes.

Onward they drove down the winding highway with the Atlantic Ocean sitting right next to the road and geese called out as they flew. The drive may take a considerable amount of time but they knew that it would be worth it: Martin because he would expect some kind of reward for their good deed, and Josh because he would get the chance to see Korra again and confess his true feelings.

As they kept driving, Josh looked down the highway and moved his arms up and down to make it seem like he was jogging. Martin saw it out of the corner of his eye and looked at him like he'd gone insane.

"Josh, what are you doing?" asked Martin.

"It feels like you're running at an incredible rate, Martin," replied his friend.

"Would you quit it? We're not even through Connecticut yet and already you're annoying me."

Josh saw that he was bothering his friend so he sat back in his seat. "Sorry," he said.

"Jeez."

"We're really doing it though, aren't we, buddy?" Josh said excitedly.

"Yeah," agreed Martin.

The pair eventually drove down a regional road to get to the next exit, and that's when Martin noticed that Josh was snacking on a small bag of tortilla chips. "Hey, where'd you get those?" he asked.

"I bought 'em when we filled up," Josh answered.

"Well…" Martin then began to stutter as he believed that Josh just spent their money so recklessly on something as measly as a bag of chips. He eventually found the right words to say. "We're supposed to talk about all expenditures, Josh. We are on a very tight budget."

Josh ate another chip and said, "This didn't come out of our travel fund."

Hearing that made Martin relieved and he said, "Oh" like he understood it.

"No, I was able to raise twenty-five extra bucks before we left."

Now Martin was curious to find out how his friend was able to get that money. He looked at his friend while still keeping close attention to the road. "Where did you get twenty-five extra bucks?"

"I sold some stuff to Toph in 4C."

Martin then looked at Josh like he had done something incredibly wrong. "The blind kid?" he exclaimed.

Josh laughed and said, "Yeah!" It was then that he thought he should be ashamed of himself for taking advantage of a blind child. "Yeah," he said ashamedly.

"What did you sell her, Josh?"

Josh really didn't think it was that big of a deal, so he calmly said, "Stuff."

But Martin wasn't convinced by that. "What kind of stuff?"

Hunching his shoulders, Josh said, "A few baseball cards, a sack of marbles…" He then tried to hide the next item by coughing it out. "Paulie."

Martin noticed it and looked at Josh like he had truly gone insane. "Paulie? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?" Now he was truly flustered. "Josh, that-that… what are you…"Again he stuttered to find the right words. "Paulie didn't even have a head!"

"Martin," said Josh, "I took care of it."

* * *

Back in Providence outside of Martin and Josh's apartment building, the young blind girl Toph, who was dressed in green and yellow clothing with her black hair in a bun, sat in a wheelchair and happily stroked Paulie's body, not even noticing that his head had been put back in place with duct tape.

"Pretty bird," said Toph. "Yeah, can you say 'pretty bird'? Pretty bird. Yes, pretty bird. Pretty bird."

It was then that Cain and Harley walked past her and headed for the entrance. Harley looked at the child like she was making a fool out of herself for having a dead bird in her hands and thinking it was alive—while thinking to herself that it looked awfully familiar—but then she set her sights on what she and her cohort set out to do, which was to get the briefcase back.

"Polly want a cracker?" said Toph.

The two made their way up to Josh's and Martin's apartment only to find a note taped to the door. On it was written, _Dear Gas Man: Packed up and moved to Aspin. Sorry about the $. Josh and Martin._ Right after the last sentence, a smiley face was drawn. But the note did nothing but infuriate Cain and Harley.

"Those rat bastards," Cain said as he ripped the note off the door. "They're rubbing it right in our faces."

"Man," said Harley. "Andore'll have a goddamn hemorrhage if we don't get that briefcase back."

Cain looked at the note while he took out his medicine bottle and popped some of the pills into his mouth. "They must have been following us for weeks."

"Why you say?" asked Harley.

"'Gas Man.' How the hell do they know that I got gas?"

Not realizing it was just a coincidence, Harley said, "They gotta be pros."

Cain put the pills away and said, "Don't worry. We're gonna get that money back. And I'll tell you something else: they ain't never gettin' to Aspen. I'm gonna see to that." In a rage, Cain crumpled up the note in his hands and also demonstrated what he was going to do to the two who dared to interfere.

* * *

It was now noon and Josh and Martin stopped at a truck stop in Pennsylvania to have lunch. The van was parked outside and seemed like an eye sore to everyone who walked outside.

Inside the restaurant Josh and Martin sat at their booth while a waitress named Mrs. Turner (_Fairly OddParents_) walked over with their two orders of burgers and fries. Josh was busy looking through the mini jukebox on the table to see what he and his friend could listen to while they ate.

"They got The Monkees," said Josh. "They were a major influence on The Beatles."

"Yeah, I know," said Martin.

The waitress brought their orders and then walked away. Josh then thought of having a little fun so he called out to her. "Excuse me, Flo?" he said.

The two then cracked up, remembering that it was a reference to the TV show _Alice_. Mrs. Turner just rolled her eyes and stared at the two, and Martin could barely contain his laughter so he covered his face.

"Flo, like the TV show," explained Josh when he was finished laughing. "Uh, what is the 'soup du jour'?"

"It's the soup of the day," replied Mrs. Turner.

"Mmm… That sounds good. I'll have that."

"Anything else before I leave the area?" said the waitress.

"No," said Martin. He then remembered something and held out his glass. "Yes, yes, my soda's flat. It doesn't have any bubbles."

Mrs. Turner then took hold of the glass with an annoyed look on her face and blew into the straw to make bubbles, spilling out some soda onto the floor in the process. Martin looked up at her with a worried expression and then saw the waitress slam the glass on the table.

"Happy now?" Mrs. Turner said irritably and then walked away.

Martin looked at his soda and felt like he may have upset the waitress in some way.

"Feels good to mingle with these laid-back country folk, don't it, Martin?" Josh said happily. "I like it a lot."

Martin said nothing; he merely reached for his soda and brought it closer to him, not noticing that he knocked over something on the table.

"Uh-oh," said Josh.

"What? What's the matter?" asked Martin.

To make his point, Josh picked up the salt shaker and blew away whatever salt was on the table. "You spilled the salt, that's what's the matter." He then went on a superstitious rant. "Spilling the salt is very bad luck. We're driving across the country. The last thing we need is bad luck."

Josh placed the salt shaker in front of Martin so that he could help his friend. "Quick. Toss some salt over your right shoulder."

Martin, not knowing the real method was to toss salt over his left shoulder, picked up the salt shaker and tossed it over his right shoulder like he was told to do. A loud thump was heard after that.

"What the hell?" said an angry voice.

"Uh-oh," Josh said when he noticed who stood up. "Too little too late, Martin."

Just then, a burly man dressed in a purple shirt, dark green pants and orange armour plates covering various parts of his body stood up. His purple hair was straggly and he looked around with his enraged purple eyes to find whoever was foolish enough to throw something at him. This man was a trucker who went by the name Snipe.

"All right, who's the dead man that hit me with the salt shaker?" Snipe said angrily.

A murmur came up from the crowd. Martin looked up at Snipe with his heart beating a mile a minute and noticed that he was walking right up to him. He looked back at Josh for support but then saw Josh pointing at him to save himself from an unnecessary confrontation. Martin looked back at Snipe with fear in his eyes when he couldn't believe that his own friend sold him out, so now he would have to face up to the man alone.

Meanwhile, Josh looked out the window in nonchalance and hummed to himself to make sure that he had nothing to do with it, when in reality he technically told Martin to do what he did, but he still didn't want to take responsibility.

Snipe towered over Martin and looked at him like he was about to pound him into the floor. The rest of the crowd looked on and said and did nothing, also not wanting to get involved.

"Well, uh," Martin said to come up with the right words, "it was a terrible mistake, sir. Please, believe me. I would never do anything to offend a man of your size."

Snipe's trucker friends (the random Talons from _Storm Hawks_) all looked on and gave him some encouragement. "Kick his ass, Snipe!" said one of them.

Snipe thought of what to do and noticed the burger sitting in front of Martin. "You gonna eat that?" he said.

"What, that?" said Martin. He felt so nervous that he didn't know what to say next. "No… Yes… No. Well… no, it crossed my mind. Yeah."

Snipe heard enough, so he snorted really loud and hawked. Lowering his head, he took the bun off the top of Martin's burger and spit out a big lugey right on the patty.

Josh saw the whole thing and looked like he was going to vomit.

"Still want it?" said Snipe.

Martin took a second and knew that he would not want to eat something that another man spit on. "Nah, you go ahead."

Snipe had proven his dominance, so he willingly took Martin's platter and sat back down at his booth, leaving the poor man feeling emasculated.

A few moments passed. Martin and Josh sat at their both, with Josh enjoying the last of his fries while Martin did nothing. The previous incident was an unpleasant one and he would dare not speak of it again. But Josh, feeling good about himself since it didn't happen to him, decided to add insult to injury.

"You really wimped out, man," said Josh.

"What are you talking about 'wimped out'?" said Martin. "Well, did you… the guy hawked at my burger."

Josh leaned in close and said, "Hey, wait a second." A thought struck him about how he was going to make his friend feel better. "I think I just… Yeah, I just had an idea."

With his mind set, Josh stood up and began to walk away. He saw that Martin didn't follow so he walked back since he was a crucial part of his plan. "Follow me," he said.

The two walked up to the booth where Snipe and his buddies sat. Martin was feeling rather skeptical about the idea. If something went wrong then he was worried that the burly man would do something even worse than ruining his lunch, so he hoped that Josh would approach it carefully.

"Excuse me, guys?" Josh said to get the truckers' attention.

Snipe and his friends looked up and each of them had an expression that showed their dissatisfaction of the two talking to them. "What the hell do you want?" said Snipe.

Now that Josh got them in, he went forward with his plan. "Uh, I just want to apologize for that unpleasant scene a little earlier. My friend Martin and I would, uh, like to buy you guys a round of beers just to bury the hatchet."

Snipe figured that the idea of getting free beer was a pretty sweet deal, even if it came from two complete wimps. "Make it four boilermakers," he said.

"Whatever you want, sir," said Josh. "I'll have the waitress bring it over immediately." A feeling of pride washed over Josh when he had the truckers right where he wanted them.

So the two friends walked over to the counter. Josh had a smile on his face since he knew his plan was going to work, but Martin was now worried. They only had enough money for themselves, and the idea of buying beer for some other guys was going to make their journey to Aspen even more difficult.

"Josh, what are you doing?" whispered Martin. "We can't afford to buy them drinks."

But Josh would hear none of it so he did his best to shush Martin. They then approached the counter where another waitress named Kitt Wonn sat and read a book. She looked up when she saw that two people approached her.

"Um, excuse me," said Josh. "Snipe and the fellas offered to pick up our check. They said just put it on their tab." He then hunched his shoulders like he never expected them to do that. "They're very nice."

Kitt looked at Josh disbelievingly. She had seen Snipe come to the truck stop many times before and never known him to be so altruistic. "Snipe said that?" she said.

"Well, if that guy at the table over there is Snipe," said Josh.

To prove his point, he gestured over to the booth where Snipe sat and they saw him point a finger at himself while he and his buddies were expecting their drinks. Josh merely smiled at him, and now Martin smiled too when he finally figured out Josh's plan. It was the best way to get payback.

"All right," said Kitt, "if that's what he wants."

Martin then decided to add his own share by grabbing some newspapers and chocolate bars on the counter. "Put these on there too, okay?" he said.

"You got it," said Kitt, still thinking that Snipe was picking up the check.

* * *

A little while afterward, Josh and Martin left the truck stop and were headed down the road after their scam had worked. They had eaten for free and all they had to do was trick someone they thought they would never see again. Their van, while accelerating, let out a loud bang from the tailpipe.

* * *

Back at the truck stop, Snipe and his trucker friends rushed out to catch the two friends along with Mrs. Turner and Kitt after having been fooled, only to find them long gone.

Snipe was now seething with rage and he yelled, "I'm gonna kill those sons of bitches!" To him, anyone who tricks him into picking up their check and gets away with it would pay dearly.

* * *

Josh and Martin laughed out loud as they travelled down the road, thinking that the plan was perfect and they still couldn't believe they got away with it. The best part was that it hadn't cost them anything.

"That was genius, Josh, sheer genius!" said Martin as he drove. "I mean, where did you come up with a scam like that?"

"Saw it in a movie once," replied Josh.

"That was incredible! So what happened? So the guy tricks some sucker into picking up his tab, then gets away with it scot-free?"

"No, in the movie, they catch up to him a half-mile down the road and slit his throat." Josh then let out a chuckle when he remembered that one scene from the movie. "It was a good one!"

Martin shifted his eyes worriedly at his friend, hoping that the same scene from the movie wouldn't happen to them. But then he watched as Josh held his pelvis like he was in pain.

"Wow," said Josh and grunted. He felt a familiar sensation coming on and knew he probably should have done it _before_ he executed his plan. "Martin?"

"What?"

"I know this isn't the best time, but when you get a chance to pull over…"

"Yeah?"

"I gotta pee."

Martin now understood his friend's predicament but knew that he was making good time. Plus, he wanted to put as much distance between him and Snipe as possible.

"What, are you crazy?" said Martin. "I'm not pulling over now."

"But I gotta go!" plead Josh. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, whiz in one of the empty beer bottles in the back." Martin then pointed with his thumb to the back of the van. "They're on the floor. Just get one of—"

Josh couldn't take it anymore: he unbuckled himself and walked into the caused him to accidentally knock into Martin while he searched for an empty beer bottle and forced him to swerve the van on the road.

"Jeez, Josh!" exclaimed Martin.

"Quit moving around!" said Josh.

Josh had gotten hold of one of the empty bottles, so he sat back down and unzipped his pants while he put the bottle close to the open fly.

Martin looked on and kept saying, "Watch the seat! Watch the seat!" The last thing he wanted was for his friend to miss in his van.

"Okay! All right!" Josh shouted.

Just then, a trickling sound was heard and Josh let out a sigh of relief when he was finally able to urinate. It wasn't long until he looked down and saw another problem about to occur.

"Uh-oh," said Josh.

"What? What's wrong?" said Martin.

"The bottle's almost full and I'm still going."

"So stop going."

"I can't stop once I've started. It stings." Josh reached out to his friend for support. "Quick! Get me another bottle."

"What?"

"Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!"

Martin complied and reached for another empty bottle.

"Come on! Come on!" Josh said.

"Okay, okay, here!" said Martin and presented a new bottle.

Josh switched the bottles right before the first one overflowed. "Okay, okay," he said, and then gave the full bottle to his friend. "Hold that."

Martin took the bottle and said, "Jesus." Never did he ever think to hold on to another man's urine.

The van continued to speed down the road. Little did the two friends know that a yellow-skinned officer named Eddie was waiting behind a billboard. He noticed that a vehicle went right by him, so he held up his radar gun after taking a bite out of his donut and clocked the van's speed.

Back in the van, Josh gave another full bottle to Martin. "Hold that one," he said and requested another empty one. "Hurry, I'm pinching it."

By that time Martin held onto four full bottles between his fingers while he kept driving. "What are you, a camel?" he said to Josh, disgusted by how much urine was in him.

Josh merely sighed while he finally emptied all the urine out of his system and zipped up his pants.

It was then that the two heard a siren coming from behind them, so Martin looked into his rear-view mirror and saw an officer on a motorcycle driving up next to the van.

"Pull over!" said Eddie.

Martin rolled down the window, not even realizing that it was a bad idea to be holding on to beer bottles while he was driving. "Huh?"

"Pull over!" Eddie repeated.

Martin thought that the officer was referring to his clothes. "No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing."

"Yeah," added Josh and gave the officer a thumbs up. "Killer boots, man!"

"Pull your vehicle to the side of the road!" said Eddie.

This time Martin understood what the officer said, so he slowed down the van and parked it on the shoulder. Now the police officer was going to find out what made the boys speed the way they did and see if it was worth the attention of the law.

Eddie walked up to the van, then looked calmly at Martin and said, "License and registration, please."

Martin did as he was asked and presented his license and his ownership of the van. From the corner of his eye he saw Josh smiling at the officer, so he too smiled back to show that there was nothing wrong and everything was legit.

"You fellas were going a little fast back there, wouldn't you say?" said Eddie. It was time for him to employ his police training and see if the men were committing a serious offense. "You, uh…" He then made a gesture like he was drinking a bottle of liquor. "You fellas been doin' a bit of boozin', have ya? Suckin' back on Grandpa's old cough medicine?"

Martin thought that the officer was implying that he and Josh were drinking and driving, but even he wasn't dumb enough to do something like that. "No, oh no, sir," he said.

"No, no, no," added Josh.

Eddie's attention was focused on the van's floor. "Yeah, well, what's that?" he said, referring to the beer bottles, but not realizing they were full of Josh's urine.

There had to be a good explanation, but all Martin could say was, "That's nothing, sir."

"Yeah, nothing," said Josh.

But Eddie wasn't buying it. "Yeah, well, you aware that it's against the law to have an open alcohol container here in the State of Pennsylvania?" Now he was angry and demanded that Josh hand over the bottles. "Come on, give me that booze, you little rat's-nest-haircutted freak! Come on!"

Josh picked up one of the bottles and accidentally splashed some of its contents on to Martin, but soon wiped it off and gave the bottle to his friend, who then gave it over to the officer. Hopefully, Josh thought, the officer would see what it was and not have to arrest them.

Eddie took the bottle and then put his lips over it to see if it really was alcohol.

Martin saw this and knew that he and Josh would really be in trouble if the officer drank from the bottle "Sir, no, I-I—" warned Martin.

Josh joined in. "No, sir, don't. Don't drink—"

But Eddie would hear none of it. "You'd keep your mouth shut if you knew what was good for ya, buddy," he said.

Finally, Eddie took a swig from the bottle. A few seconds later, his face twitched as the urine travelled down his esophagus and its foul property stung his insides like they had been set on fire.

Both Josh and Martin gave worried glances at the officer and felt sorry for him as Eddie clutched his stomach and breathed heavily while he stared angrily at them.

"Tic Tac, sir?" Josh said in offering.

"Get the hell outta here!" said Eddie, not wanting to deal with the two anymore.

Not wanting to make the situation worse, Martin started the engine and drove the van away while Eddie kneeled over and coughed and retched to get the urine out of him.

* * *

It was mid-afternoon in Aspen. The home of the Stinsons—one of the most posh families in the State of Colorado—sat together in the living room. But all was not well for them as they had incurred a terrible tragedy: they had gotten word that the criminals who were trying to extort money from them had not received the briefcase as they had originally planned.

The one who was most troubled by the news was Korra, for it was her beloved who was at stake.

"How could they not have gotten the ransom?" said Korra. "It just doesn't make sense. I left the money exactly where they instructed me to."

In the living room Korra sat with her father, Tonraq, and her mother, Senna. They felt that Korra's husband had become a member of their family and so they were feeling distressed over the news as well.

"Oh, it makes perfect sense, Korra," said Senna as she walked in carrying a platter with two cups of tea. "We should've called the authorities the minute we heard that Mako was kidnapped."

Tonraq stood by the fireplace and had an opposing view to the situation. He knew that getting Mako back safe and sound was the most important thing, but he wasn't going to jeopardize that by going back on the kidnapper's demands.

"Now, Senna, we've been through this already," said Tonraq.

Just then the family's maid, a robot named Rosie, rolled in and addressed them. "Mr. Andore," she said.

(A/N: Again, another made-up last name for one of the characters.)

In walked a thirty-seven-year-old man who, like the Stinsons, had tanned-skin and blue eyes. His long brown hair was tied into three braids that hung down his back, and he was clothed in a light blue jacket over a dark blue shirt, blue pants and silver boots. This man was Tarrlok Andore, Tonraq's right-hand man and a friend of the Stinson family.

"Tarrlok," Tonraq greeted him.

"Tonraq," the man greeted back.

"Tarrlok," Senna said and accepted a kiss from him on the cheek.

Tarrlok shared the Stinsons' worry and he wanted so much to help them find Mako. He walked over to Tonraq and shook his hand. "Any word yet, sir?"

"No, nothing yet, Tarrlok," replied Tonraq.

The man was afraid to hear that, so he sighed, walked around his boss and then said, "I've been giving this a lot of thought. Maybe we should cancel the preservation benefit this weekend. It would be so easy to reschedule it."

"No, I don't think we should do anything out of the ordinary," said Senna.

"Yeah, she's right," Tonraq said in agreement. "It's imperative that we carry on as usual."

"Okay," said Tarrlok.

Tonraq's point became clear when he turned to his daughter and re-emphasized it. "Especially you, Korra."

Korra couldn't believe that her own father would say that to her instead of trying to help in getting her husband back.

"What am I supposed to do, just go about my life like everything's fine?" said Korra.

"That's exactly what you should do."

"Yes," added Senna, "go skiing, go to parties, act normally, you know."

Tonraq tried to make Korra see that everything would be fine as long as they played by the kidnappers' rules. "Yeah, don't you see, honey? We can't let on that anything's wrong. If the press or the authorities get wind of this, the kidnappers may panic."

It was then that Tarrlok added his own thoughts. He sat in front of the fireplace and took out a cigarette from his pack that he placed on his lips. There was a flick when he brought up his lighter to ignite the end and then he took a long drag. After exhaling some smoke, he looked at the girl and said, "I mean, you never know what they might do to him then."

Korra shuttered at the thought. All she wanted was to get the love of her life back, but she knew that her parents and her friend were right: trying to seek for help would make things worse. So, she figured that she would have to go along with their suggestions and hope for the best.

* * *

BlueTiger321: And there's another chapter done!

Korra: What? But I need to find Mako!

Josh: And I need to find Korra!

Martin: And I want this to be done with so I can get back to my life!

Josh: *sarcastically* Oh, thanks a lot.

BlueTiger321: Well folks, be sure to stay tuned when Josh will have his own dream when he sees Korra. So, until next time…

Josh, Martin and Korra: Read and review!


	5. Chapter 4: The Dream

Chapter 4: The Dream

BlueTiger321: So, after some escapades, one of our heroes is about to have a fantasy about meeting the girl of his dreams. Enjoy!

* * *

Night time had arrived as the boys kept driving in their van, having already reached Indiana. Martin, having driven the majority of the way, was asleep and snored in the passenger's seat while Josh took the wheel.

Josh couldn't believe what he and his friend had accomplished in one day. They set out to drive across the country to return Korra's briefcase and they had already made it this far. Soon, he thought, he would see her again and they would live happily ever after. Then, Josh began to dream about his encounter with Korra. He put his right hand under his chin while he slipped into his fantasy.

* * *

_In Josh's dream he walked up to Korra's mansion, which he believed was just as elegant as her other home in Providence. Flowers were in bloom everywhere while the sun's rays bathed everything in their warmth. The briefcase was carried in his hand and he eagerly walked up to the front door, not wanting to waste another minute._

_ After getting into a wide stance when he reached the door, he knocked._

_ Immediately the doors swung open to reveal Korra wearing a beautiful white spring dress just as a flock of white doves flew out of the house. One dove stayed behind and flapped its wings directly behind Korra, which Josh took to signify that he saw Korra as an angel._

_ Korra looked up at Josh and then looked down at his hands to see that he had her briefcase. The woman then smiled as her troubles were now over because the man she cared about had brought her possession, and so she leapt into Josh's arms._

_ Feeling lighthearted that his love accepted him, Josh smiled and twirled Korra around in his arms. He opened his eyes to make sure that she wasn't looking, so he then lowered his hand to lift up her dress and got a quick peek at her finely-shaped rear. The dress was lowered as Josh resumed his embrace._

* * *

_ Josh's fantasy switched to the next scene where he and a bunch of Korra's friends were enjoying themselves in a winter lodge. Josh's ego then imagined himself being the centre of attention as he stood up in front of the fireplace and told jokes._

"So he says, 'Do you love me?'" _said Josh._ "And she says, 'No, but that's a real nice ski mask!'"

_Everyone in the room then laughed out loud by the hilarity of the joke. Then Josh made gestures with his hands by rushing them in and out of his body to show he was taking light in it. It was then time for his next act._

_Josh approached a man named Bolin, pointed to his sweater and said, _"Hey, man, what's that?"

_In response Bolin looked down at his sweater only to be pranked as Josh smacked his nose, causing everyone, including Bolin himself, to laugh even more. The one who was laughing the hardest, Josh, was forced to lean on the couch so he could contain it._

_ But the one who enjoyed herself the most was Korra. Here she was in love with a man who was kind, generous and funny, and now all her friends agreed that he was perfect._

_ By then Josh came up with another hilarious act. He sat down on the couch between Korra and a man named Tenzin. He spaced them out so he could get enough room and then held up his hands to prepare everyone. Josh then lifted up his legs high and then pulled out a lighter which he lit and aimed it close to his rear. The man then passed gas and it erupted in flame when it made contact with the lighter._

_ The sight of it once again made everyone laugh at Josh for his hilarious antic. But Josh wasn't finished so he picked up a bowl of peanuts from the coffee table and threw them in his face, resulting in another hilarious uproar._

* * *

_ The dream then changed to Josh and Korra sitting in a fancy restaurant. The waiter, a man named Long Feng, dropped Josh's order in front of him on the table and then went over to Korra. He lowered her plate and then took her napkin where he laid it on her lap. But then, as if to challenge Josh, Long Feng took her arm and kissed it up and down right in front of him._

_ Korra was surprised by this, but Josh merely threw his napkin onto the table and stood up._

_ A whoo sound came out of Josh's mouth as he got into a karate fighting stance in front of Long Feng. Nobody disrespected his love and gets away with it._

_ Long Feng stood up and smiled, and then threw a punch at Josh._

_ Josh was ready for this, so he sidestepped, grabbed the waiter's arm and then snapped it over his shoulder. He followed up by bringing up his other hand and smacked it into Long Feng's face to knock him to the floor._

_ Another waiter named Zhao came in to fight, but Josh impeded him by kicking him to the face._

_ The next waiter, a man named Johnny Cage, came in and tried to kick Josh in the head, but Josh stepped back and kicked Johnny in the groin three times. His assault continued as he lowered himself and furiously punched Johnny's groin like it was a punching bag, causing extreme pain to the waiter. Josh finished off by giving Johnny's groin one more punch and then biting down hard on it. _

_When he was done with the waiter, Josh lifted him off his feet and threw him into a window and out of the restaurant._

_The doors to the kitchen suddenly burst open and out came a plume of smoke along with the restaurant's head chef, an old man named Gen _(Street Fighter)_._

_Josh turned around when he heard the doors open and saw his next opponent._

_Gen let out a furious yell as he did some fancy kung fu moves and then swished his arms around._

_It was now Josh's turn and he let out a series of high-pitched battle cries as he moved his arms around in his best martial arts poses. He then let out a sound that went, _"Ai, yi, yi, yi, yi!"_ and then waved around his tongue and gurgled and snorted. His next move was to do a cartwheel and roll along the floor where he followed up by waving around his arms and doing his best Curly impersonation._

_But Gen was enraged by the time Josh got close to him, and so he lashed out by sending a series of punches and kicks at Josh's face. Each blow forced Josh back as he was powerless to stop the incoming attacks._

_Korra could do nothing for her love except sit in her chair and watch._

_Gen finished off by jumping up and applying another kick to Josh's face, making the man fall over on his back. The chef then made a pose to show he was done._

_But Josh got back on his feet and faced Gen. He put the back of his hand to his mouth and felt his lips bleeding. A nod of the head was all he gave, but inside he was furious._

_Gen was stunned by the sight and stood in place._

_All of a sudden, Josh shouted and brought his hand into Gen's chest where he reached inside for what he was sought. The pain of having his chest ripped open made Gen want to scream, but he was paralyzed by the sudden attack and all he could do was stand there and let it happen._

_Josh then brought out his hand to show Gen's beating heart with blood all over it. Gen was about to fall over dead until Josh brought out a doggy bag with his free hand that let out a dog's bark when he opened it. He placed the heart into the bag, then neatly wrapped it up and gave it to Gen, who willingly took it and fell to the floor as the last of his life crept out of his body._

_Korra smiled up at her love to see him all right and having defended her honour._

* * *

_The scene changed back to the lodge where Josh and Korra stood in front of the fireplace after each having a glass of champagne. Now that they were all alone, the two brought their faces close where they kissed each other. Josh took it a step further by really leaning in to Korra and continuing to kiss her and he let out grunts as he did so._

_Eventually the two separated and looked into each other's eyes. Now it was time for the two of them to truly confess their love. Josh took off his jacket while Korra slipped her dress's straps off her shoulders._

_Josh stared at his beautiful girl in awe and couldn't help but look down at her chest. There on Korra's body was a flashing set of headlights. Josh knew that 'headlights' was an expression but he didn't think it to be real. He gave the girl an odd stare while the sound of a truck's horn was heard._

* * *

Josh snapped back to reality when he realized that he was driving down the oncoming lane and a truck was headed his way. He shouted with fear and swerved the van back into his lane to let the truck roll by him.

The whole incident had awoken Martin and he saw his friend shaking at the wheel and breathing heavily while he got the van under control. It had been a close call and now Josh was focused on his driving.

Martin, on the other hand, figured that Josh should take a break. "You want me to drive?" he asked groggily.

"No, I'm cool," Josh replied, still a little shaky.

* * *

After spending nearly the entire day driving, Josh and Martin decided to stop for the night at the Second Honeymoon Motel, which was normally meant for couples. But since they had the money they could stay so no one judged them.

The two friends were in their room while they both sat in a heart-shaped hot tub with the water surrounding them but each agreeing to leave their underwear on to make it seem less awkward. Both men each had a bottle of beer with them. Martin was busy reading a magazine while Josh listened intently to the sounds of a woman moaning in the room next to theirs with a glass over his ear.

"Yeah! Get her!" Josh cheered on when he heard the sound of a man in the room.

The moaning got faster and Josh knew what that meant so he chuckled and got back in his position in the hot tub as he congratulated the lucky guy in the other room.

"This is the life—cold beer, a hot tub and paper-thin walls," said Josh. He then let out a laugh while Martin took a swig of his beer. "There's only one thing that could make this moment any better."

"What's that?" asked Martin.

"If you had a nice set of knockers."

Martin laughed at the joke and said, "That's two things, Josh."

"Yeah, well, it's a good thing you're not stacked, Martin, or I'd be banging you right now." Both he and Martin let out a good laugh at that. "I'd show you what a real man can do. Split you like an old piece of firewood."

Martin said nothing while Josh continued. "You'd probably like it too, you big homo."

"Shut up," Martin said angrily.

"Don't tell me to shut up, woman."

Again Martin said nothing, and then he pouted at Josh for what he said. Josh gave a pout back at his friend, thinking it was all good, clean fun, and then resumed to hearing through the wall.

"I don't know, Josh," said Martin. "This place doesn't really do it for me. It brings back a lot of memories."

Josh looked back at his friend and said, "Pourquoi?"

"It was a few years ago."

Josh had to know why his friend was acting like this, especially after making fun of him before. "What happened, Martin? Some little filly break your heart?"

"No, it was a girl: Jenni Anderson. Yeah, we stayed in a place just like this. Wasn't this classy, but, y'know, nice."

The last name struck Josh as odd, so he had to inquire about it. "Anderson? From Cranston?" he asked.

"Yeah, you know her?"

"Oh, yeah!" Josh exclaimed. But then he changed the tone of his voice when he almost let something slip out. "I mean, I remember you talking about her."

Martin continued his tale. "We had the most incredibly romantic time. I thought we were gonna be together forever, and then about a week later, right out of the blue, she sends me a John Deere letter."

Josh understood what his friend told him, not realizing that Martin meant to say a Dear John letter. "She give you any reason?" he asked.

"Yeah, I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something. I don't know; I wasn't really paying attention. But the thing that hurt the most is I think she was seeing another guy."

A look of sorrow crept onto Josh's face when he heard about Martin's suffering.

"Never did find out who," Martin finished, and then took a swig of beer to forget his painful memories.

When Martin was done, Josh smiled back at him to show that he always had him whenever things got tough, and inside he felt a bit of remorse for a dark and terrible act that he committed so many years ago that should never be revealed for the sake of their friendship. He then lowered himself into the hot tub and let the warm water splash over his body.

* * *

But not all was well at the motel. Outside a call was taking place where shady things transpired. Harley sat in the Cadillac with a lit cigarette in her mouth as she loaded her handgun—a Smith & Wesson just like her cohort's—and Cain stood in a phone booth to speak with their boss. As this was happening, an impatient man named Dale Gribble paced outside the phone booth.

"Mr. Andore," Cain said over the phone, "guess who we just happened upon?" When his boss answered, Cain said, "Yeah."

Dale continued to wait outside until Cain was finished. "I had plans," he said to himself. "Things I wanted to do."

"Yeah," said Cain.

"This is where it all ends—at a phone booth," said Dale.

Cain then gave the details to his boss about the men who had the briefcase. "Yeah, the boys are holed up in a little love-nest for the night. I think they're a little bit strange."

* * *

Back in Aspen, Tarrlok spoke with his henchman about what was going on. For so long he was in the shadow of the Stinson family and he took action against them to get what he deserved by kidnapping Korra's husband and demanding that the Stinsons pay him a large sum of money in exchange for his safe return.

"What the hell are these guys up to?" said Tarrlok. "I mean, is it possible they could be feds?"

* * *

"Highly unlikely from what I've seen," replied Cain.

Dale could no longer take any more waiting so he lightly tapped his hand against the phone booth to get Cain's attention. "Sir," he said politely, "did you ever hear of the concept of other people? Um, me being that for the phone, sir."

The request, unfortunately, fell on deaf ears as Cain turned back around and ignored the man outside.

"Oh, you turned your back on me," Dale said in disbelief. "He got me mad. I almost like it."

* * *

Tarrlok was furious about the incompetence of his subordinates that he expressed it to Cain over the phone. He yelled, "You and Quinn were supposed to grab that bag so we could end this shit!"

Just then, a woman named Selina Kyle walked in and presented Tarrlok with a glass of scotch on the rocks. "Here's your drink, baby," she said.

Tarrlok accepted the drink and then somewhat calmed down.

* * *

Cain then said to his boss, "What I was—"

But Dale's continuous knocking on the glass made it hard for the man to concentrate.

Dale added to the distraction by saying, "Do you know the damage I could do to you?" He then let out a series of babbles.

"Hold on a minute," said Cain. The only way he figured he would get some privacy was to deal with the situation right now.

* * *

Tarrlok tapped the phone against his neck while he let Cain do whatever he needed to do.

* * *

"But that's not your problem," said Dale. "You didn't know."

Cain turned around to look at the man who kept annoying him, and he already thought of the way to deal with him.

"Get off the phone," said Dale.

There was a pause, and Cain mouthed the words 'I can't hear you' and then gestured with his hands to make Dale come closer.

Dale did so and repeated his last words. "Get off the pho—"

Without warning, Cain sent his fist through the glass and punched Dale in the face to knock him unconscious. The man lied on the asphalt while shards of broken glass were scattered around him.

With no more distractions, Cain returned to his call. "I'm sorry, Mr. Andore. You were saying?"

* * *

"Look, Cain," said Tarrlok, "these jokers have got a lot of money and it belongs to me! Now, I want to know who they are and what they're doing with it!"

* * *

"Hey, hey, hey," Cain said to calm down his boss. "I told you already. I'm on it, all right?"

* * *

Tarrlok was less than pleased by Cain's words and would rather have results, but then said, "Good." He ended the call and then sipped on his scotch. Soon, he figured, it would all end and he would be rich and done with the Stinsons forever.

* * *

BlueTiger321: And so ends another chapter.

Josh: Aw, man! I wish my fantasy of Korra would've lasted longer.

Korra: Why? So you can look up my dress some more?

Josh: O_OU You knew about that?

Korra: You bet your ass, I did! And you know what I do to guys who do that?

Josh: Oh, boy! I'm not sure I wanna find out.

BlueTiger321: Um, I think I better finish this before it gets too tense here. Anyway folks, stay tuned for the next chapter when Josh and Martin run into some more problems that they will deal with the only way they know how. So, until next time…

Korra: Read and review!


	6. Chapter 5: More Escapades

Chapter 5: More Escapades

BlueTiger321: So now Josh and Martin are back on the road, and Cain and Harley are gonna try to stop them. What will happen next? Read on and find out for yourselves.

* * *

The next day had come, and Josh and Martin were back out on the road and already making good time as they had just driven into Illinois. Once again Martin took hold of the steering wheel and Josh sat in the passenger's seat. The morning sun greeted them after a good night's rest and the crystal-clear water sparkled before them as they drove over a bridge. The two men figured that by that time tomorrow, they would already be in Aspen and deliver the briefcase to Korra and everything would turn out fine.

It was silent in the van until Martin spoke up. "According to the map, we've only gone about four inches. You know, I don't think we have enough gas money."

"Relax," Josh said coolly. "We have more than enough."

A scoff came from Martin's mouth as he arched his eyebrows at his friend. "I think you're wrong, Josh," he said.

"How much you wanna bet?"

"I don't bet."

Josh was suddenly taken aback by that last statement. To him, betting was an adventurous part of life and he couldn't believe that his friend would never do it to feel alive.

"What do you mean you don't bet?" said Josh.

"I mean I don't bet. I don't gamble," Martin said matter-of-factly.

Josh then decided to goad his friend into gambling by saying, "Pussy, pussy, pussy!"

But Martin wasn't falling for it. "I never have, and I never will," he said.

"Yeah, right!" said Josh. "I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day."

"No way."

"I'll give you three-to-one odds."

"Nope."

"Five-to-one?"

"Nope."

"Ten-to-one?"

There was a long pause as Martin considered the offer. He then shook Josh with a free hand and said, "You're on."

Josh smiled and accepted the handshake. Both men chuckled at the thought of getting Martin to gambling, not even knowing that Josh had already won the bet by Martin accepting it.

"I'm gonna get you," said Josh.

"Nuh-uh," Martin said and shook his head.

"Oh, yeah. I don't know how, but I'm gonna get you."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah, oh yeah."

* * *

Meanwhile farther up the road, Harley stood by the bank of a river with Cain standing next to the highway. They had already come up with a plan to intercept the two men and trick them into letting Cain hitchhike with them, deal with them and then take the briefcase. But a look of dissatisfaction was plastered over her face when she was forced to go along with the plan the way that her cohort described it to her.

"Come on, Cain," she plead. "Let me do 'em. Let me do both of 'em. You wouldn't even have to worry about it."

Cain kept facing the road while he stood next to the Cadillac with the hood opened up to make it look like it had broken down. He said through gritted teeth, "Just shut up! Now we don't even know who the hell they are. You don't kill people you don't know—that's a rule."

Harley pointed her gun out to the river, still disappointed that she wasn't allowed to get rid of the two men like she wanted but knew that she was no match for Cain.

"Now," explained Cain, "I want you to get up here, lie down on the front street. When they pick me up, you follow us. You got that?"

"Keep your shirt on," said Harley. "I gotta squeeze a lemon." She then went over to the bushes to do her business.

No sooner had Cain said his plan did Martin's van come down the road. Now it was time for him to execute the plan, he thought.

"Hey, hey, hey, here they come," said Cain and watched Harley do as she was told. "Stay down, stay down!"

Following his plan, Cain put a pleasant smile on his face to make it look like he was friendly. A wave of his hand had gotten Josh's and Martin's attention so they pulled over to the side to look at the man and noticed his predicament.

Cain laughed devilishly on the inside when he saw that the men had taken the bait. "Say, uh, are you guys going to Davenport?" he said. "My car died, and I'm late for a luncheon."

Josh looked at the man and felt sympathetic for him, seeing as he and Martin were his only hope. "We usually don't pick up hitchhikers," he said, "but I'm gonna go with my instinct on this one. Saddle up, partner!" Josh then got out of the van to let Cain sit in between him and Martin.

The three men then drove down the highway. Cain was feeling like he was a sardine trapped in a can for having to sit in such a confined space, but he was willing to put up with it in order for his plan to work. It was all quiet until Josh decided that he wanted to play a game of Tag.

Josh reached behind Cain to touch Martin on the back of his head. "You're it," he said.

Martin saw that his friend started the game so he reached across Cain and touched his friend back. "You're it," he said.

Now Josh was really getting into the game. "You're it! Quitsies!"

"Anti-quitsies," said Martin. He touched Martin and said, "You're it! Quitsies! No anti-quitsies! No startsies!"

"You can't do that."

"Can too."

"Cannot, stamped it!" Josh said as he stamped the dashboard.

"Can too, double-stamped it! No erasies!"

"Cannot, triple-stamped it! No erasies! Touch blue, make it true!"

The van was then filled with loud noise as Josh put his hands over his ears and sang to himself to tune out Martin's complaints. All the while, Cain was getting extremely annoyed by the childish antics of the two boys and tried to contain his rage.

Martin kept saying, "You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Josh! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! Josh! Josh!"

But Cain could take it no longer and shouted, "Guys! Enough!"

It was quiet in the van again as the boys were done playing their game, thinking that the man didn't want to play so they complied with him. A few seconds had already passed in silence. Josh felt really bad about bothering the man they were trying to help so he thought he should cheer him up.

"Hey," said Josh, "wanna here the most annoying sound in the world?" No response was given, so Josh went ahead and made a loud noise that was, true to its name, rather annoying, and it got more so when Martin joined in.

Now Cain was getting furious. "Guys! Guys! Guys!" he shouted. The shouts were heard so Martin and Josh again went silent. Cain then calmed down and said, "Fellas, you think we could listen to the radio or something?"

"Radio?" Josh chuckled. "Who needs a radio? Ready, Martin?"

If the man wanted music, then Josh and Martin were happy to oblige. The two men then broke out into song.

Josh: _Mock—_

Martin: _Yeah!_

Josh: _—ing—_

Martin: _Yeah!_

Josh got up close to Cain to sing his next verse.

Josh: _—_b_ird!_

Martin: _Yeah!_

Josh: _Yeah!_

Martin: _Yeah!_

Cain was now getting more enraged than before: the insanity of the two men was getting to be more than he could handle.

Both: _Mockingbird_

Josh: _Don't— everybody, have you heard?_

Martin: _(Have you heard?)_

Josh: _She's gonna buy me a mockingbird_

Martin: _(She's gonna buy me a mockingbird)_

Josh: _And if that mockingbird don't sing_

Martin: (_If that mockingbird don't sing)_

Josh: _She's gonna buy me a diamond ring_

Martin: _(She's gonna buy me a diamond ring)_

Josh: _And if that diamond ring don't shine_

Cain had finally had enough. The singing, the shouting and the games were too much for him so he would go ahead with his plan and get it over with. He reached into his clothes and began to pull his gun out of his holster.

All of a sudden, Martin stopped singing and said, "Hey, Josh, look! There's some people who want a ride too."

Cain saw the people outside and put his gun back in his holster.

Josh was already in high spirits from having one stranger travel with them, so he figured the more the merrier. "Pick 'em up!" he said.

On the side of the highway was a family, the Riveras, and they watched as Martin's van pulled up alongside them and opened up their doors to let them hitch a ride. When the van got back onto the road, everyone except Cain joined in song as Rodolfo Rivera played a guitar in the back.

Josh and Martin: _Mock—_

Riveras: _Si!_

Josh and Martin: _—ing—_

Riveras: _Si!_

Josh and Martin: _—bird!_

Riveras: _Si!_

Josh and Martin: _Si!_

Riveras: _Si!_

Cain kept staring down the road while he ingested some of his pills, thinking that this was making his ulcer even bigger.

* * *

After driving down the road and dropping off the Riveras at their destination, Josh, Martin and Cain had stopped at a restaurant called Dante's Inferno. It was a restaurant that offered a lot of spicy foods on its menu—and that's what was being offered to the men right now when they sat at the bar.

Martin held a jar full of little red chili peppers in front of the man he met. "You want an atomic pepper, Mr. Cain?" he asked.

Cain looked at the peppers. He knew that with his ulcer he wouldn't be able to stomach anything that spicy. "Nah," he said, "you guys go ahead."

There was an air of reluctance coming from both Martin and Josh. The feeling of eating something spicy really freaked them out, but neither of them was willing to admit it. So then Martin thought that his friend should be the first to try them.

"I'll do it if you will, Josh."

"Okay," Josh said and chuckled, though still being a little afraid on the inside. "You go first."

"No, unh-uh, you go first." To make his point he gave the jar to his friend.

"No, you go first," Josh said, handing the jar back to Martin.

"No, you go first," Martin said, sliding the jar back to Josh.

"No, you go first."

"I always go first!"

Cain saw this was another scene where the two were being idiots, so he grabbed the jar and said, "Why don't you guys both stop acting like a couple of pussies and go at the same time, huh?"

There was a pause as the two friends thought it over. It would be the best way to end the argument and to show that neither of them was scared.

"That sounds like a dare, Martin," said Josh.

"It's a double dare," said Cain.

"Yeah, okay, you're on," said Martin.

The deal was set, and the two friends each stuck a hand into the jar and pulled out one of the peppers. Biting into them yielded an intense heat that seemed to burn away at their mouths, and the hot juices slithered down their throats like a river of lava. Neither of them seemed to scream out loud from the pain they felt, so they just kept chewing on the peppers to try and alleviate some of the heat. Cain watched them and thought they should be acting differently than they were, or it was because they really weren't that spicy.

"Huh," Josh said coolly. "It's not so bad."

"Uh-huh," said Cain.

"Yeah," said Martin. "It's more tingly than hot."

"Yeah," agreed Cain.

Everything changed in that instant. Josh and Martin both spit out what was left of the peppers and let out cries of agony. They then tried whatever they could to get rid of the heat that burned away at their tongues. Josh continued to cry out while Martin shook his head and wiped his tongue with his hands.

The screaming and gagging was so loud that everyone else in the restaurant turned around to see the two men suffering. It had turned into an awkward moment and no one chose to do anything about it.

Cain smiled to himself as he took pleasure in the boys' misery and then stood up from his seat just as Martin grabbed mustard and ketchup bottles and sprayed the condiments on his tongue. Josh, meanwhile, was in so much pain that he started coughing out saliva.

"Uh, if you fellas would excuse me, I've gotta use the phone," said Cain. "Enjoy your meal, guys." And with that, he exited the restaurant to use the phone booth.

Martin let out a cry of relief as the ketchup and mustard offered some aid to cool down his tongue. He offered the bottles to Josh and said, "Here, Josh, this helps. Here, here. It works good."

Josh saw the bottles, and without thinking clearly he stood them up from the table and let the mustard and ketchup spray out like a fountain. He opened his mouth to let it fall in and some of the mustard and ketchup covered his face as it did. Another cough came out of his mouth as his tongue was cooling down, and Martin started licking the condiments that dripped from his chin.

* * *

Outside the restaurant, Cain talked to Tarrlok about his current situation. "Yeah, it's Cain. I'm just sitting down to a nice meal with our boys."

* * *

Tarrlok walked through his home with his phone in hand and said in an annoyed and sarcastic tone, "Well, how nice for you. Don't forget that your bread plate is on the left!"

* * *

Cain continued to hear his boss wail and complain but knew that he had it all figured out about how to get rid of them.

_"Look, I can't have these guys running around Aspen,"_ Tarrlok said on the other line.

"Don't worry," said Cain, and held up a small, black plastic tube. "They ain't gonna be runnin' around nowhere after I dump a little rat poison in their Shirley Temple." And with that, he hung up and went back into the restaurant.

* * *

By then Martin and Josh had already received their burgers while Cain's was waiting on the table. The two then decided to have a little fun with their new traveller, so they lifted the bun off Cain's burger and started placing some of the atomic peppers on it. They both thought that he would be in for a surprise when he takes a bite.

"Good, good," whispered Martin.

"Okay, that's good," whispered Josh.

Martin saw the man approaching so he said, "Here he comes. Here he comes."

The burger then had the bun placed back on with the new toppings stuffed in-between it. Cain walked back to hang up his gear on the coat hanger and then he went to his seat just as Josh and Martin each ate their food.

"Feeling better, girls?" Cain asked in a demeaning tone.

"Yes, much better," replied Martin with his mouth full. "Thank you for asking."

Cain took hold of his burger while Josh and Martin watched, wanting to see how he would react. The burger was close to Cain's mouth and he was about to bite down on it when he paused and decided to strike up a conversation.

"So why are you goin' to Aspen? Vacation?" asked Cain.

"Why don't you eat up and we'll tell ya?" said Josh. The first bite was so close that he tried his best to contain his laughter. He could see that Martin snorted as he did his best to keep from laughing, too.

"It just doesn't seem like you packed much," said Cain. "All I saw was one bag and that briefcase."

"Well," explained Martin, "no, no, the briefcase isn't even ours. Some lady left it at the airport. We're just bringing it back to her." His eyes lit up and he showed a huge grin. "How's your burger?"

There was silence. Cain heard the explanation and now understood that the two boys weren't trying to stop Tarrlok's plan; they were just some guys who were unlucky enough to get caught up in the middle of the whole thing.

"You mean you don't even know her?" asked Cain. The only response he got was Martin shaking his head.

Cain let out a laugh as he saw that the two were stupid enough to cross paths with him, and it was somewhat sad that he had to get rid of them but he did not really feel bad about it.

"I mean, talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time," said Cain, and then bit into his burger.

There was laughter among all three men: Cain for coming to a realization, and Josh and Martin for witnessing their prank about to take place. Cain continued his laugh until he swallowed his food and felt something hot trickle down his throat. The moment he did, his face turned red and sweat formed on his forehead. Josh and Martin all smiled at this as they watched Cain faint from the intense heat.

The prank was a success, and so Josh and Martin got off their seats and laugh in Cain's face while the other patrons turned around to see the same men create another scene. Their laughs died down as they saw that Cain was in real pain, clutching his stomach, groaning and spitting out saliva. What the two friends didn't know was that the spiciness of the peppers was further irritating Cain's ulcer.

"Are you okay, man?" said Martin. "It was just a goof."

"Oh, my ulcer!" cried Cain. "Quick! Quick! My pills!"

A waitress named April O'Neil saw the whole thing happening and said, "Maybe somebody should call an ambulance."

But Josh already had a plan set in motion to help the poor man, because to him, it was his fault. "Look, uh, you get the pills," he said to Martin. He turned back to the waitress and said, "Don't worry. I know CPR."

"I'll get the pills," said Martin and went over to Cain's gear on the coat hanger.

Josh grabbed Cain's legs and then pushed and pulled on them in his best attempt at CPR. "Out with the bad air, in with the good. Out with the bad air—"

"Get off!" said Cain and pushed Josh away.

Josh was pushed into a window where he fell on the blinds and pulled them from off the window. Josh tried again to help the man by slamming both fists down on his chest, which caused Cain to cry out with pain and exhale a breath. After trying again and seeing that it wasn't working, Josh spit out the bite of his burger from his mouth to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. But Cain didn't need resuscitating so he pushed Josh away from him, who was fighting hard to get close to him.

"Don't, don't!" cried Cain. "Back, back!"

"This is a lot easier if you just lay back," said Josh.

Martin had finally found what he thought were the pills, so he hovered over Josh with them in his hand. "Here," he said.

"He's resisting me," said Josh.

But by then everything changed when Martin held out the numerous pills in his hand to Cain.

"Here," said Martin. "Here we go, here we go."

Cain saw the pills and ingested them quickly. Immediately he felt relief as his ulcer died down.

"Pills!" said Josh.

"There you go! There you go!" said Martin.

"Pills are good."

"Take 'em down."

"Pills are good."

"Drink 'em down. There you go, big guy."

"That's better!"

Everyone was relieved when they finally got the situation under control.

"You want some ketchup and mustard?" asked Martin. "That helped us."

Cain shook his head and held up his hand, but then he opened his eyes wide when he saw something horrid. Clutched in Martin's hand was not his prescription bottle but the black tube that contained the rat poison he intended to use on them.

"Son of a bitch!" Cain said angrily.

But then the poison in his body suddenly shut down his heart after all the pills he ingested and because his ulcer sped up the process. Cain's head dropped to the floor and a gurgling sound came out of his mouth.

Josh and Martin were left speechless by this and wondered what happened. That's when Josh put his head on the man's chest and heard no heartbeat. There was an awkward silence while Josh shifted his eyes toward the waitress.

"Check, please!" said Josh.

* * *

Josh and Martin were back on the road with Martin still driving. They couldn't believe it: they had caused the death of an innocent man. All they ever wanted was to help out the man and they accidentally killed him. But the irony was that they had actually gotten rid of one of their pursuers without comprehending it. So they travelled with shame and guilt filling their bodies.

"I can't believe it," said Martin.

"Life's a fragile thing, Martin," said Josh. "One minute you're chewing on a burger; the next minute you're dead meat."

"But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words."

"Not if you count the gurgling sound."

Martin narrowed his eyes at his friend, thinking if that last statement was supposed to make him feel better then it wasn't working. But Josh lightly patted his friend on the shoulder as they kept driving down the road to get their task completed.

* * *

Back at the restaurant, Cain's body was put onto a gurney while a white sheet was placed over it out of respect. By then the police had arrived to survey the scene. One was a dark-skinned, mustached, bald man dressed in a white shirt with matching tie, grey pants and black shoes who went by the name Brad Garrison. Standing next to him was one of his subordinates, Chris Redfield.

"You mean he was poisoned?" said Brad.

"No doubt about it," said Chris. He held up a sealed evidence bag that contained the black tube. "We found these next to the body."

Brad took the evidence bag to inspect it. While he was there to inspect the scene as what the locals thought him to be a police officer, he was really there to get a sense of who was there and where they were going. As Brad wrote his report in his ledger, two more of his subordinates named Leon S. Kennedy and Luis Sera approached him.

"Sir," said Leon.

"Yeah?" said Brad.

"Waitress says he came in with a couple of younger guys. Now they're the ones who called the ambulance, and then they hit the road."

"Get any idea where they were going?"

"We just received a report that they were seen headed west on I-80 towards Colorado."

Brad smiled as he knew they were going in the direction they expected. "Did you get a make on the vehicle?"

It was Luis's turn to answer the question, and he knew that his superior wasn't going to believe him. "Uh, yes, sir," he said with a Spanish accent. "They're driving an '84… sheepdog."

* * *

It was the late afternoon as Josh and Martin had already reached Nebraska. Martin drove the van around a tractor and sped up along the dirt road.

Eventually the two men kept driving until the sky turned dark. Martin happened to notice a sign that said they were 43 miles from Omaha and 602 miles from Denver, which meant they were getting closer to Colorado.

As Martin continued to drive, Josh slept and snored in the passenger's seat. The noise was bad enough for Martin but Josh had the audacity to lean on his friend's shoulder and also drool out of his mouth. Martin brought up a tissue to wipe up the drool while he kept driving. Eventually he got tired of it so he made Josh lean against the door with his jacket over his head to have some peace and quiet. It was then that Martin realized that he needed the snoring to stay awake, so he continuously slapped himself in the face in order to prevent sleep from taking hold of him.

They passed another road sign that said they were 25 miles from the Colorado State Line. Seeing that they were so close they decided to drive down the rest of the way, but then they were forced to stop for gas.

At the gas station, Martin put up the dog leg that blocked the gas tank and then placed the nozzle in the hole. Meanwhile, Josh walked with the men's room key so he could go to the bathroom, and he swung it around his body as he went over there like it was a whip.

Outside, Martin continued to fill his van with gasoline, and he happened to see that next to him was a woman filling up her gas tank and leaning against her 4x4 that had skis tied to the roof. She was dark-skinned with brown hair and eyes, and she was clothed in a purple tank top, dark green pants, brown boots, and also wore black fingerless gloves along with long, beaded necklaces. The most distinguishing feature was the red tattoo on her left shoulder that said _Shujaa_, which was the Swahili word for hero. This woman was Sheva Alomar.

Martin decided to strike up a conversation with her. "Skis, huh?"

Sheva turned to her skis then to the man and spoke with an African accent, saying, "That's right."

"Great. They yours?"

Sheva turned back and thought it was obvious when she stated it before. "Uh-huh."

"Both of 'em?"

Now Sheva was looking at the man weird. "Yeah."

Martin smiled and said, "Cool." What he didn't notice was that his gas tank was full but still he squeezed the pump, which resulted in the excess gasoline overflowing and spilling out onto the pavement. Sheva saw this and thought she should alert the man of his folly.

"Uh, excuse me, but you're, uh… you're spraying everywhere," said Sheva.

When he heard the warning, Martin looked down to see gasoline spilling out and said, "Oh." He took out the pump while he still squeezed it and accidentally got some gasoline on his pants leg until he finally stopped spraying. Now he thought he definitely did not impress this woman.

* * *

In the men's room Josh stood over one of the toilets while he whistled to himself and rotated his body as he urinated. This went on for a while until he finally stopped and happened to find a piece of graffiti on the wall.

In big black letters it said: _For Manly Love Be Here March 25__th __At 2:15 AM Sharp._

Josh was awed by the date, so he checked his watch to see the current time as well as the date. When he did he saw that it was March 25th and the time had just struck 2:15 a.m. His heart suddenly beat faster when he heard the men's room door open and the sounds of footsteps echoed in the room.

Josh was now worried that whoever wrote that graffiti had come to honour his commitment. But he knew that he couldn't just rush out of the stall for fear of getting caught. He quickly zipped up his pants, locked the stall door and sat on the top of the toilet to avoid being seen. Just then the boots of the man who entered approached the door, and then the entire stall shook as whoever was on the other side attempted to open it. Josh was now scared for his life at the thought of being forced to have sex with another man.

But then the door suddenly burst open and there stood the trucker Snipe. He peered into the stall and his face lit up when he saw one of the guys responsible for leaving him with the check back in Pennsylvania.

Seeing the trucker made Josh do the only thing he could do: he screamed.

"Oh, man, you gotta be shitting me," said Snipe. "If it ain't my old friend!" He peered down at his watch to see the time. "And right on time."

In a feeble attempt to defend himself, Josh picked up the men's room key and held it out, but Snipe merely swatted it away. Now he was going to enjoy himself for getting revenge on the man, but was even more so when Josh whimpered and started to feel around the wall for an escape. When he saw that it was useless, he just sat there and cried out loud.

* * *

Back outside, Martin continued his conversation with Sheva, who sat in the driver's seat of her vehicle. The two seemed to be having a good time together, even though both of them knew it would be short.

"That's a lot of luggage for a little vacation," said Martin.

"Oh, I'm moving to Aspen," said Sheva.

"Oh," Martin said in understanding.

She then laughed as she said, "I've got to get away from my boyfriend. He's such a klutz. Plus, my astrologer told me that I really should stay away from accident-prone guys, so, you know."

Martin then stuck out his hand to lean on the side mirror. "Oh, well, you know, I—" But then his weight broke off the mirror and he fell to the pavement.

Sheva watched this and saw that this man was another accident-prone guy, which couldn't have been a coincidence.

Martin came up and gave the mirror to Sheva. "Here. It's a little loose," he said. "You might want to—" But lost the words.

All the woman did was nod and take the mirror while she attempted to light the cigarette she had just stuck in her mouth. "Mm, thank you," she said.

Then to prove that he wasn't a bad guy, Martin attempted to do an act of kindness when he saw the cigarette. "Oh, no," he said, "Hey, no, allow me. I've got a thing of"—he trailed off as he rummaged through his pockets to find what he needed, and then found his matchbook—"here. Got 'em right here. Right here."

Sheva chuckled at that while Martin took out one of the matches and lit it, and then brought it to the woman's cigarette where she took a long drag when it was ignited. The good deed was done, so Martin nonchalantly threw away the match and not even seeing that it landed close to his pants leg that was soaked in gasoline and it then caught on fire.

"Thank you," Sheva said after puffing out some smoke.

"Sure," said Martin. He really liked this woman and hoped to see her again so he decided to ask her out while the fire kept travelling up his pants leg. "You know, I'm heading up to Aspen myself. Maybe we could, you know, meet up, have some hot chocolate or something."

A quizzical look came on to Sheva as she considered her options. This man seemed nice but he still had no idea why she was really going to Aspen. "Sure, why not?" she said. "You seem harmless."

Martin smiled at that as he thought he was getting to spend time with a woman he just met.

"I'm going to give you my number," Sheva said as she rummaged through her purse. "Let me find a pen, though."

"Great!" said Martin. "That's—" It was then that he looked down and saw that his pants had caught fire, so he gasped and opened his eyes wide with fear.

"Let's see," said Sheva. "I know I have one in here somewhere."

Martin was busy stomping his foot in an attempt to put out the flame but it was useless, and he couldn't wait for her to give him her number so he said, "Look, why don't you just tell it to me? I got a really good memory."

"Well, the number's 555…"

"555…" Martin said in a gasp.

"…905—" She paused and said, "Wait a minute, that's my old number. That is so weird how your mind just goes blank."

Martin was now getting impatient as the fire continued travelling up his pants leg, so he shouted, "For God's sakes, just give me the damn number!"

Sheva was taken aback by the shouting, so she said, "Okay, look, uh, you gonna get pushy, forget about it." She then drove out of the gas station.

Martin was disappointed that he struck out with the woman but knew that he had a bigger problem on his hands: putting out the fire on his pants. Instead of doing the Stop, Drop and Roll technique, he ran over to the men's room.

* * *

Meanwhile, Snipe pushed Josh into the corner of the stall and lowered him to the floor. A look of satisfaction was on his face as he now owned Josh and would do whatever he wanted to him.

Josh tried to push the terrible thought of Snipe having his way with him. "Find a happy place!" he cried. "Find a happy place! Find a happy place!"

"I'll show you a happy place," Snipe said and unzipped his pants. He then grabbed his crotch over his leopard-print underwear and said, "_Here's_ your happy place."

Josh couldn't take it anymore, so he looked away from Snipe and began sucking on his thumb.

By that time Martin came rushing into the men's room with his pants leg still on fire. He went over to the nearest stall and tried to open it only to find it locked. But he had waited long enough; the fire was now starting to sear his skin. So in a desperate move, Martin tackled the door and forced it open, which struck Snipe and knocked him unconscious. Martin then panted and stuck his burning leg into the toilet where he repeatedly stomped into the bowl to let the water splash over the flame, which he did until the fire was finally out.

A sigh of relief came out of Martin. The fire was out and his pants, and himself, had been saved. After a few heavy breaths, he looked down and saw Josh in the corner. It was then he saw another man in the stall, so he turned the door to see an unconscious Snipe lying in the corner with a bloody nose. Martin turned back to his friend to see him sucking on his thumb.

Josh looked up to wonder if it was over, but then froze when Martin was there.

* * *

At the Colorado State Line, a police roadblock had been set up in preparation for when they finally came in contact with Josh and Martin. Various police cars stood around the area, flares had been set up along the highway, and a helicopter flew overhead. All the other vehicles with drivers who were driving into Colorado were forced to stay in line while the officers checked them.

The helicopter landed on a grassy spot next to the highway and out stepped Brad Garrison. He quickly rushed over to the spot where Leon and Luis waited for him.

"All right," said Brad, "any sign of them yet?"

"No, sir, but we're expecting them shortly," replied Luis.

"A motorist saw a pooch about thirty miles back headed this way," said Leon.

Brad narrowed his eyes. Soon, he thought, he would find the two men and this whole situation would be over.

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, that was a hair-raising adventure of a chapter.

Josh: Yeah. I can't believe Snipe almost had his way with me. But it's all thanks to Martin.

Martin: Um, truth be told, I just wanted to use the toilet so I could put out the fire on my pants.

Josh: What? Well, the joke's on you. I already peed in that toilet when you stuck your leg in and I hadn't flushed yet!

Martin: O_O Ewww! You're sick, man!

BlueTiger321: Well folks, be sure to stay tuned when Josh and Martin finally get to Aspen and make a great discovery. So, until next time…

Josh and Martin: Read and review!


	7. Chapter 6: A Friendly Fight

Chapter 6: A Friendly Fight

BlueTiger321: All right, folks! So, Josh and Martin are about to head into Aspen, but they're about to experience a problem along the way that could ruin their friendship. So let's see what happens.

* * *

The two friends were back on the road after their incidents at the gas station. It was quiet as Martin kept on driving and Josh keeping his head over his knees. What happened in the men's room was something that he'd like to forget and he wished that his friend wouldn't judge him based on what he saw. Josh would rather not speak about it but he knew that he had to say something.

"Look, I told you what happened, okay?" said Josh. "So just drop it."

Martin shrugged and said, "Yeah, okay. Sure thing, Josh. Sure thing." After all, he thought, who was he to judge his friend when he knew the reason for it? "I promise not to mention another word about you being in a bathroom with a six-foot-four trucker with his pants down." He let out a chuckle after that.

That last comment made Josh sit up straight and look at his friend like he was about to deck him, but then he decided against it and thought there would be a good time and place for that later. Instead he turned away and pouted.

A road sign came into view from the headlights and said that the two friends were three miles from the Colorado State Line.

"Hey, look," said Martin. "We're almost in Colorado. What do you say we change seats? I've been driving for nine straight hours. I don't have the energy to start a new state."

"Why should I do you any favours?" Josh said angrily.

"I'll let you kiss me," Martin replied and laughed.

Josh was now infuriated by his friend's taunting. "I swear…" he said through gritted teeth as Martin made kissing sounds. He raised a fist and continued: "I'm gonna… I will take your… I'm… I swear to God I'm gonna take your…" But he was so angry that he couldn't find the right words.

Martin reached out and touched his friend on the shoulder to apologize, thinking it was all in good fun. "Aw, come on—"

"_Don't_ touch me!" Josh yelled and swatted away Martin's hand.

"Oh, okay," said Martin.

When it was done, Josh curled up and leaned against the door as he tried to push that horrible experience out of his mind.

"I'm done," Martin said apologetically. "Okay, enough."

But Martin then immaturely went back on his word by mimicking the sound of a truck horn that made Josh turn around and glare at him with hate-filled eyes. Martin couldn't help but laugh again, but then Josh began laughing as well. He had to admit that it was pretty funny and he knew that he couldn't stay mad at his best friend forever.

* * *

The two men eventually stopped at a 7-Eleven so they could switch seats. Josh walked out of the store with a six pack of soda along with a few packages of beef jerky. When he stepped outside he saw two boys named Lil' D and Philly Phil who each had a Big Gulp in their hands.

Josh looked at the two boys and said, "Hey, guys." He then noticed their drinks. "Whoa, Big Gulps, huh? All right."

The boys saluted the man with their drinks.

"Well, see you later," said Josh and climbed into the driver's seat.

When Josh got himself securely fastened in, he turned over to Martin and said, "Hey, Martin, I got some beef jerk—" But he paused when he saw that Martin was fast asleep after a long day of driving.

Josh smiled to himself and put the junk food by Martin's feet, and then shifted the van into reverse and drove off the lot.

"Some people just weren't cut out for life on the road," said Josh.

Josh drove the van into the night and eventually came to a fork in the road. The signs indicated that going west would take them to Aspen and going east would take them to Lincoln, Nebraska. The man was paying careful attention but then heard Martin's snoring. The sound was beginning to distract Josh so he held out a hand and pinched his friend's nose. This had forced him to drive east, which was the direction he shouldn't have gone.

The snoring stopped so Josh let go and resumed his driving, not seeing that he was headed in the wrong way, but also not coming in contact with the police blockade.

* * *

Morning had come and Josh drove the van as miles of flat plains stretched out before him. A tired look was on Josh after all the time he spent driving, and he kept himself awake by drinking the last of his soda from a paper cup. Turning his head, he saw that Martin was still sleeping and thought that it was long enough, so he crumpled up the cup and threw it at Martin to wake him up.

Martin was jolted awake and stared out at the road.

"Hey!" said Josh. "I was wondering when you were gonna get up." He reached out and patted a hand on Martin's knee.

"Well, how long have I been out?" asked Martin.

Josh let out a big yawn and replied, "I'd say a good five hours."

The yawn then made Martin do it as well and both of them shook their heads to get the last bit of sleep out of them. They looked out at the windshield expecting to see the great Rocky Mountains and the snow-covered lands of Aspen, but instead all they saw were plains as far as the eye could see.

"Huh," Martin said in an underwhelming tone. "I was expecting the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this."

"I was thinking the same thing," said Josh. "That John Denver's full of shit, man."

A few seconds had passed when the two men realized that they weren't in Aspen at all; they were still in Nebraska. Josh leaned against the van parked on the side of the road and stared at his feet in shame for having gotten the two of them farther away from their destination.

"I'm only human, Martin!" Josh shouted at his friend. "Anybody could make a mistake."

Martin sat by himself in a field with his pants going down far enough to show the top of his rear. He was both disappointed and infuriated with Josh for having driven them the wrong way. After all, in his mind it was Josh's idea to go to Aspen in the first place so he was supposed to hold up his end of the bargain in getting them there, and now he felt like Josh had screwed it up.

"Come on," Josh said as he crossed the road, "stop being a baby! So we backtracked a tad."

"A _tad_?" Martin angrily shouted and stood up. He then ran across the field and decided to tell Josh exactly what his mistake had cost them. "A tad, Josh? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the _wrong_ direction!

"Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen! We don't have enough money to get home! We don't have enough money to eat! We don't have enough money to sleep!" Martin knew that last statement made no sense but he didn't care; he was furious with his friend and he made his point.

Josh understood that his friend was angry and tried to offer a solution. "Well, it's not gonna do us any good to sit here whining about it. We're in a hole. We're just gonna have to dig ourselves out."

That idea sounded like a good one to Martin, so he nodded in agreement and knew exactly what to do.

"Okay, all right," said Martin. "You're absolutely right, Josh." He then waved goodbye to his friend and walked east.

Josh stood in place and said, "Where're you going?"

Martin turned his back and replied, "Home! I'm walking home!" He was done with Josh's stupid plan and wanted no more of it, so he turned back around and walked away.

Now it was Josh's turn to be angry. "Oh, well, pardon me, Mr. Perfect!" His expression then changed to sadness as he continued: "I guess I forgot that you never, ever make a mistake!"

Martin said nothing back as he was determined in his goal to head back to Providence.

* * *

An hour had passed since the argument and Martin kept walking down the road with his hand out to indicate he wanted to hitch a ride. All the things he said to Josh then came back in his mind and he felt like he was a little too hard on his friend for the mistake he made. Martin looked back and considered if he should go back and apologize, but then he remembered that he made up his mind and wanted no part in Josh's absurd idea.

Martin turned his head back once more when he thought he saw a driver approaching him—and that's when he heard a familiar voice.

"Martin!" called Josh.

Martin couldn't believe it: his friend was getting closer to him, even after all the things he said. But instead of being in the van, Josh came up on what looked to be a mini bike.

"Martin!" called Josh and waved to his friend. "Hey! Martin, wait up!"

Martin stood in place and saw his friend pull up next to him on the bike with their duffel bag and the briefcase in a small metal cart that was placed on the front of the bike. Josh came up and stopped the bike, and Martin saw that he was wearing a white helmet with goggles at the top. He then rang the bell on the bike's handle bar and then looked up at his friend with a wide smirk.

"Got room for one more if you still want to go to Aspen," said Josh.

Narrowing his eyes, Martin had to know how Josh had gotten the bike and what happened to his van. "Where did you find that?"

"Some kid back in town; traded the van for it straight up. I can get seventy miles to the gallon on this Hog." Josh twisted the little rear-view mirror on the side so that the sun was out of his eyes.

Something welled up within Martin, and he was about to say it to Josh for trading away his van for a mini bike. "You know, Josh," he said, "just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…" He saw that his friend had looked down in shame after the lecture he was giving him, so he finished up by smiling and saying, "…and totally redeem yourself!"

The two men then laughed and tried to high-five each other, only to miss.

"Still wanna go to Aspen?" asked Josh.

"Oh yeah!" said Martin. Seeing this new bike made him forget all about his anger towards his friend, so he climbed onto the back after donning the spare helmet. "Okay, let's go, buddy!"

"Super!" Josh then pulled on the chain to start up the engine and drove in the direction he faced.

Martin had to remind his friend of where they were supposed to go, so he patted Josh on the arm and pointed a thumb in the opposite direction. "Josh, no! West! Go west, Josh!"

"Oh! Oh, yeah," said Josh.

So onward the two friends drove down the road to once again head for Aspen on their new mini bike. Now they felt like their friendship got even stronger after the argument they had.

Eventually the two saw a truck pass by them. Martin made the gesture with his hand to ask the trucker to blow his horn. Josh did the same, so the trucker obliged with them. The sound was so loud that Josh was scared by it and almost lost control of the bike.

Josh and Martin kept driving through Nebraska with both of them donning the goggles over their eyes. It was then that Josh suddenly let go of the handle bars and immediately grabbed them again to have a bit of excitement.

Onward they kept driving and finally reached Colorado. Since they weren't driving in the van like the police were expecting, they were able to pass through the blockade without any problem. So they kept driving, seeing the beautiful landscape of the Rocky Mountains in the distance and the snow covering the ground. But that's when they realized that trading the van for the bike was a bad idea as the cold weather stung their bodies and dropped their body temperatures, so they were forced to wear their jackets that they packed in their bag: Martin's was red and yellow to match his shirt, and Josh's was brown. Josh, unknown to Martin, also put on his pairs of gloves.

Martin then piped up by saying, "I've gotta… I've gotta stop to go to the bathroom."

But Josh wasn't willing to stop in this cold, especially since they were so close to Aspen. "Just go, man," he said.

So Martin did as his friend suggested and urinated where he sat. Just then, Josh felt a tingling sensation when Martin's urine touched the back of his pants.

"Oh," said Josh. "That sure is warm."

Josh and Martin stopped for nothing as they drove along a snow-covered road. They eventually came around a corner and didn't see that they were holding up traffic as a long line of vehicles were right behind them. A trucker was so impatient that he let out his horn to see if he could get Josh and Martin to speed up.

At last the two friends had driven into Aspen and saw its majestic view from the road. Into the city they drove to see the elegant buildings displayed before them. But their minds were more focused on how they were feeling. The drive into Aspen was so unbearable that the two of them shivered from the cold weather. It was so cold that even drops of mucus came out of their noses and froze on contact with their skin.

Josh drove the bike past an intersection and then parked it on the side of the street. His hands shivered as he brought them up to his face to remove his goggles, and he smiled as he had finally accomplished the first part of his plan. Now all that was left was to find Korra and return her briefcase.

"We're there," said Josh.

Josh then stood up off the bike and didn't see that Martin stuck to him like they were glued together from the result of Martin's urine freezing to his pants.

"Got a little nippy going through the pass back there," said Josh.

Then, fatigue settled in Josh after driving all the way from Nebraska combined with the cold weather making him feel sluggish and the weight of carrying Martin on his back. His body could no longer take it, so he collapsed on the street.

* * *

After recovering from the fall, the two men walked down the sidewalk with joy filling their minds. They were in a gorgeous city where anything good could happen to them. But the biggest idea set in their heads was to find Korra.

"Isn't this incredible?" said Josh. "What more could two single guys ask for?"

"How 'bout some food?" said Martin.

Josh gave a skeptical look at his friend and said, "I swallowed a big June bug when we were driving. I'm not really hungry."

"Well, I'm starving."

The two men walked next to each other and accidentally bumped into an approaching couple, a man named Aerrow and a woman named Piper. The woman excused herself and squeezed through the two men as she continued walking down the sidewalk with her love. Martin and Josh turned around to see the couple leaving and they glanced down at their backs.

"Ho… Jeez," said Martin, "look at the butt on that."

"Yeah," said Josh. "He must work out."

Martin looked at his friend weird, seeing that they were not staring at the same rear, but then resumed his walk down the sidewalk.

"Hey!" said Josh. "Why don't we get busy and deliver the briefcase to Korra? If I know here as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets." He didn't know that he meant to say tea and crumpets.

"Good plan," said Martin. "Where does she live?"

"I don't know."

Martin thought that it was hopeless for them to find the woman in such a big city, but it all changed when he spotted a payphone with the phone book hanging from the bottom. Hopefully, he thought, they would be able to find her address.

"What's her last name?" Martin said as he went over to the phone book. "I'll look it up."

Josh joined his friend and searched his memory for Korra's last name. He knew that she told it to him in the limousine but he couldn't place a finger on it. "Uh…" he said. "You know, I don't really recall." But then he remembered one part of it. "Starts with an S."

Martin flipped through the phone book to find the section of all people with last names starting with S. Meanwhile, Josh tried to jog his memory of Korra's last name to narrow it down.

"S-swim, Swamie," said Josh. "S-slippy, Slappy." No matter how many times he tried he couldn't find it. "Slimin, Solmon, Simin, Sal, Swenson, Stinson?"

"Maybe it's on the briefcase," said Martin.

"Oh yeah!" Josh pointed over to the logo on the briefcase, believing that it was Korra's last name. "It's right here. Samsonite! I was way off. I knew it started with an S, though."

Through the phone book Martin looked, trying to find a 'Samsonite, Korra' in the lists. His search turned up empty and he looked up at Josh, saying, "I'm not seeing it here, Josh."

"She must be unlisted." Josh then exhaled his breath and watched it form up in the cold weather.

Martin dropped the phone book and gave his friend a scrutinizing look. "Great. So what are we supposed to do now?"

* * *

That night, Josh and Martin stood by themselves in a park next to a lake. Their first day in Aspen hadn't turned out as well as they thought it would as they had not yet found Korra. The worst part was that they didn't have enough money to stay in a motel as the rates were too expensive. They made a fire in a pit and stood close to it for warmth, but the cold night air was making it extremely uncomfortable for them as they huddled around the fire for what little heat they could get.

Martin was particularly feeling cold because he had no gloves on his hands and was about to get frostbite. "I can't feel my fi-fingers anymore, Josh," he said while shivering. "They're-they're-they're numb."

Looking down at his friends hands, Josh saw that he wasn't kidding: they had turned red and also looked dry. "Ooh," he said and removed his hands from his jacket pockets. "Maybe you should wear these extra gloves. My hands are starting to get sweaty." Josh took off the first layer of gloves over his hands and held them out to Martin.

But rather than take the gloves, Martin narrowed his eyes at his friend. The idea of Josh having those gloves on him and not thinking about giving them to his friend a while back when he needed them the most was a selfish act and it made Martin see nothing but blinding fury.

"Extra gloves?" said Martin. "You've had this pair of extra gloves this whole time?"

Josh nodded back and said, "Yeah. We're in the Rockies."

Martin grabbed the gloves from his friend and said, "I'm going to kill you."

The last statement made the other man look at his friend confusedly. "What?"

"I'm gonna _kill _you!"

Josh saw that his friend was serious and so he ran around a picnic table where Martin followed him.

"I'm gonna kill you, Josh!"

"Calm down!" Josh said in desperation.

"Right now, I'm gonna kill you!"

"Martin, you've got that crazy look in your eye!"

Josh circled the picnic table again and faced the pile of firewood the two had gathered. He picked up one of the logs and held it in front of him so he could use it to defend himself.

Martin simply laughed maniacally and knew how to get back at Josh. "I know what I'm gonna do," he said.

"What are you doing?" asked Josh.

Martin turned to the Hog and picked up the briefcase, saying, "I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago."

Josh went wide-eyed and screamed when he saw his friend walk towards the lake with the briefcase in hand. Now, he thought that Martin had gone insane. The whole reason they came to Aspen was to return the briefcase to Korra, and now his friend was going to throw it away, which would make their trip for nothing and cost Josh his chance of Korra falling in love with him.

The man had to stop his friend so he leapt over the picnic table and said, "Don't do anything foolish, Martin!"

Martin stopped a few feet before the lake and looked at his friend. "What? Foolish? This isn't foolish! I'm gonna toss this damn curse right into that damn pond!"

With his mind set, Martin walked over to the lake to throw the briefcase, but Josh got in his way and kept him from going any farther. The two men did as best they could to fight each other for what they thought was right. They were evenly matched as far as pushing against one another.

"I'm gonna do it!" said Martin.

"No, Martin!" said Josh.

Martin flung the briefcase, but Josh grabbed his arm and let it only sail to the edge of the lake where it rested in the snow. The brawl then turned one-sided when Martin pushed his friend onto the picnic table where he proceeded by strangling his throat with his bare hands. Josh tried to defend himself but he was overpowered by his friend, so all he could do was yelp.

"Martin," said Josh, "you're hands are freezing!"

The two continued to fight with each other until Josh turned over to the lake to see the briefcase lying there—and his face lit up when he saw what was inside it.

"Martin, look! Look! Look!" cried Josh.

The fighting had stopped when Josh and Martin looked at the briefcase and saw that it had opened when Martin tossed it, and they were both shocked to see that it was filled with stacks of dollar bills. They figured that millions of dollars were there.

Seeing all that money had put another idea into their heads. They then strolled out of the park with the briefcase and all the money still inside it.

Josh said, "Okay, here's the plan: We borrow a few bucks—just a small loan from the briefcase—and then we find ourselves some reasonable lodging."

"Good plan," said Martin. "And we'll keep track of all the money we spend with IOUs."

"We'll be meticulous, right down to the last penny. Whatever we borrow, we pay back."

"Absolutely. We're good for it."

"Our word is our bond."

The two men agreed to their plan, having no idea the money was being used for ransom. They decided to use some of it even though it didn't belong to them, but they were certain that Korra would understand and they would pay her back for it.

* * *

Josh and Martin had entered a suite of the Hotel Danbury, one of the most posh hotels in Aspen. They followed the manager, a man named Alfred Pennyworth, into the vacant suite. The two men were left in awe as they saw that it consisted of a mini bar, a big fireplace with a sofa, coffee table and chairs, and two queen-sized beds in the back. They thought that it was the sort of room where movie stars probably stayed.

"This is the Hotel Danbury Presidential Suite, gentleman," said Alfred, "normally reserved for royalty, visiting dignitaries, illustrious stars of stage and screen." While Alfred talked, Josh took it upon himself to jump on one of the beds. "We have shortly coming the Emperor and Empress of Japan, and of course, Prince Crescendo and Princess Serenade used to frequent the hotel constantly."

Josh fell back and rolled along the bed, accidentally knocking one of his feet into a lamp shade. He thought the room was perfect for him and Martin and they certainly had the money for it. Walking up to Alfred he said, "We'll take it!"

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, now our heroes are about to get a taste of being rich.

Josh: Sweet!

Korra: Hey! That money's supposed to be for my husband! Give it back, now!

Josh: Can't Martin and I just use it for a little longer?

Korra: NO! *sends out a blast of fire*

Josh: *gulp* Uh-oh!

BlueTiger321: Well, stay tuned when the guys get ready for a big party and Martin meets Korra for the first time. So, until next time…

Josh: Read and review!

Korra: Get back here!

Josh: *screams*


	8. Chapter 7: From Rags to Riches

Chapter 7: From Rags to Riches

BlueTiger321: Okay, folks! Josh and Martin are about to see what it's like to live the life of the rich, and they'll also be getting ready for a big party. Do you think they'll still be idiots? All signs point to yes. Enjoy!

* * *

The next day had come. Josh and Martin went all around Aspen with the money they had recently discovered inside Korra's briefcase and began recklessly spending it on whatever they wanted. When they were finished they drove up to the Hotel Danbury in a brand new red Lamborghini Diablo.

Alfred Pennyworth stood outside the entrance and was left in shock and awe at what the two men had purchased, but then thought that it was none of his business about what they should buy; he was only concerned about making sure they were enjoying themselves at the hotel.

The Lamborghini stopped near the entrance and the doors opened up vertically and out spilled many boxes that were all wrapped up. Josh and Martin came out afterwards wearing new clothes: Josh in a denim jacket with matching jeans, a red visor over his eyes, red gloves and boots with faux hair; Martin wearing a yellow and brown argyle sweater with black jeans, sunglasses and white sneakers. Alfred saw all the boxes lying on the parking lot so he clapped his hands to get the attention of the bellhops to pick them up.

Josh walked up to Alfred with a wad of bills in his hand and gave a few to the manager as a tip. "There you go," he said, and Alfred accepted the kind offer.

The bellhops all went up the stairs with the boxes in their hands, and Josh gave each of them a tip as they walked by him.

"There you go," said Josh.

"Thank you, sir," said a bellhop.

"There you go."

"Thank you, sir."

"There you go."

"Thank you, sir."

"There you go," said Josh and gave a tip to Martin.

With all their purchases in the hotel, Josh and Martin walked inside with Martin looking at a couple off to the side with weird expressions on their faces and saying, "Hi."

* * *

That evening both men sat on one of the beds in their suite while wearing their complimentary housecoats and enjoying some room service, which consisted of two platters with various pieces of toast along with some tea and grapes. Both of them looked up at the TV on the wall and began to sob as they saw a truly saddening thing.

The narrator on the TV said, _"Rain brought them to him."_

The TV's screen then showed a scene where a man named Homer Simpson walked with his two children, Bart and Lisa. _"My mother was Marge Simpson,"_ said Lisa.

_"Although at the time,"_ continued the narrator, _"he wasn't sure he wanted to accept the gift."_

Josh and Martin continued sobbing at the heartbreaking scene as the people walked up to a small cottage.

_"Bart, do you think he'll let us stay?"_ asked Lisa.

_"No, this place is ugly, anyway,"_ replied Bart.

The scene was so sad for the two men that Martin, with a lack of tissue, began wiping tears from his eyes using some of the bills from the briefcase. Josh went so far as to blow into one of the bills and then drive it up his nose to catch some of the dripping mucus.

_"You and me, we're a family,"_ said Bart.

_"I promise never to give you away," _said Homer.

The scene on the TV then switched to Homer and his wife Marge talking over the phone.

_"And no one's ever going to give us away,"_ said Bart.

It turned out that the two men cried when they were watching a phone commercial as the next scene changed to the company's logo. _"At Pacific Bell,"_ said the narrator, _"we believe that's pretty special."_ When the commercial ended, the two friends let out one more sob.

"Wow!" said Martin. "Boy, this is livin', huh?"

"Yeah," agreed Josh.

"What's on next?" Martin then leaned over to drink some of his tea.

"I don't know. Let me look it up."

Josh grabbed the newspaper to check the TV listings, but then his eyes went wide with surprise and he yelped at what he saw on the front page.

After biting into some toast, Martin said, "Josh, you okay?"

"Martin," exclaimed Josh, "it's Korra!"

"It's who?" said Martin.

"Korra with the briefcase," Josh reminded his friend.

Both men stared down at the paper to see a photo of Korra standing with her family and the headline that said _Stinsons to Host Preservations Gala Tomorrow Night; City's Elite Expected_.

"Korra Stinson," said Josh. He sighed and cursed himself for getting her last name wrong. "Stinson!" He turned back to the paper and began to read aloud the article but had difficulty with some of the words. "Wool hast annool—"

"Host annual," Martin corrected.

Josh corrected himself and continued reading. "Host anewl—annual—"

"Annual," said Martin.

"…meeting of…" Josh was particularly having trouble with the next word so he tried to sound it out. "T-t-t… t-heh… t-heh…"

Martin stepped in to help his friend, "The," he said.

"Oh," said Josh, "…the Inter—" Finally he gave up on reading all the complex words.

"Yeah, it's a big one," said Martin, still reading the article. "International Preservation Society tomorrow night."

It was then that the two men saw this was their chance to finally see Korra so they could tell her the news that they had her missing briefcase. Josh was stunned by it and was silent for a few seconds.

"Well, come on, Cinderella," Martin said happily. "We've gotta get you ready for the ball!"

* * *

The next day, Josh and Martin decided to stay in their hotel suite and prepare themselves for the gala that would be in a couple of hours. They had paid the hotel staff to give them everything they needed: new suits, haircuts, manicures, pedicures, and massages. They knew that it would mean they had to spend more of Korra's money but it would all be worth it when she sees them.

Josh walked in wearing a black tuxedo with a displeased look on his face. The tailor who stood by, a man named Garcian Smith (_Killer7_) smiled and straightened out the jacket, thinking that the man looked quite elegant in that suit.

Martin saw the whole thing while he sat in a chair and smoked a cigar. He shook his head and agreed that the tuxedo didn't fit his friend's personality, so Josh walked out to take it off.

Now the two were getting haircuts. Martin was getting his cut by a woman named Clover (_Totally Spies_) while Josh was getting his cut by a man named Waylon Smithers. Josh insisted that his hair should be cut by putting a bowl on his head while Smithers cut around it.

When their hair was cut, Clover and her associate Alex were now drying the two men's hair. The hair dryers were brought up and the two men saw each other's hair while the women smiled at a job well done. But Josh's and Martin's looks showed displeasure at how neat the other one looked, how straight and neat and not like them at all. So they messed up their own hair and brought it back to normal, leaving Clover and Alex stunned.

It was then time for pedicures and Josh bit down his lip while a woman named Momo Hinamori used a file on his toenails because they were long and yellow since Josh had not cut or maintained them in weeks. Momo sighed at the hard work she had put in only to see that she hadn't made a dent in the toenails, so he resumed her work.

Josh was back in the barber chair while Smithers used a straight razor to shave him. Everything seemed to be going well for Josh until he suddenly brought up a hand to his neck. A red liquid started oozing out of his neck, and Smithers gasped at it and thought he accidentally cut Josh.

Martin, meanwhile, was getting a massage. He and the masseuse named Nico Robin turned to see Josh bleeding uncontrollably.

Josh wagged his tongue around and gasped as he tried to stop his neck from bleeding, but Smithers was so horrified by the sight that he fainted. The damage had been done and Josh turned to his friend and laughed. He brought his hand from his neck to reveal crushed ketchup packets to make it look like he had bled during the shave.

Martin couldn't help but laugh while Nico rolled her eyes and shook her head as she continued giving a massage, thinking that what Josh did was idiotic and childish.

But Josh kept laughing and threw away the ketchup packets.

Meanwhile, Martin looked up at the masseuse and thought that she was pretty attractive. He gestured her to come closer and whispered something in her ear. A while passed afterward, and Nico lied down on the table while Martin wore her uniform and gave his own massage to her. He began by doing chops on her back, then jabbed her with his elbows, then planted his head down on her, and finished off by rubbing her back with his fingers.

Josh tried on more tuxedos. He walked in wearing a white one and he was still displeased with how he looked. Garcian looked at Martin and smiled at how well it was, but Martin puffed on his cigar and shook his head when he agreed with Josh.

Back in the barber's chairs Josh and Martin sat while Clover and Smithers did some more work on them as various strands of hair were piled up on the floor. What the two workers were actually doing was holding up the two men's noses and cutting off their nose hairs with scissors.

Later on, Momo made one more attempt to work on Josh's toenails, but she knew it would require more power than usual. She put on a safety mask and turned on a power sander as she slowly drew it to the long, disgusting toenails. Sparks flew and a loud buzzing sound was heard as Josh felt the force of the power sander, and Martin was right behind him for support, but even Martin couldn't stand to watch it.

Josh came in wearing one last tuxedo and he danced the whole way as the tuxedo was orange—the same shade of orange found on safely pylons. A smile was plastered all over Josh's face as he finally found something he could wear that matched his personality, but Garcian was not impressed with how it looked as he covered his eyes in embarrassment.

Martin saw the tuxedo and smiled. With the cigar in his mouth he stood up and said, "Yeah!" He then applauded his friend.

The applause made Josh do a tap dance while Garcian sighed and shook his head.

* * *

The time had come for the International Preservation Society gala to be held. Riding in on a horse-drawn carriage were Josh and Martin up to the fabulous estate where the gala was held. Both men were dressed in their tuxedos with matching top hats and canes. Martin's tuxedo looked exactly like Josh's except it was white. When the carriage stopped in front of the entrance the two friends stepped out. Josh reached into his pocket and pulled out a few dollar bills that he gave to Alfred as a tip.

"Thanks, Alfred," said Josh. "There you go."

Alfred accepted the tip and said, "Thank you, sir." He rode off on the carriage and would pick up the men at a later time.

It was time to enter the building, so Josh and Martin tapped their canes on the pavement and walked up at a leisurely pace. Josh, having a bit of excitement, lightly tapped his friend on the rear with his cane as they walked. Martin felt the tap and turned around to see what hit him only to find nothing.

The gala was a gorgeous setting where the aristocrats of Aspen gathered while jazz music was played on the podium from a local band right next to a cage with a white sheet placed over it. In the background was a large red curtain where green signs hung with words in gold lettering that said _Aspen Preservation Society_ and _Snow Noctowl Benefit_. All around the various people talked while taking in the sights and sipping on their cocktails. It was to be a glorious evening for them all because they knew that the meaning behind it was something very important to them and to the world.

Josh and Martin came in and had a sword battle using their canes. Both men were evenly matched until Josh turned to see the entrance before them.

"Okay, okay, okay," said Josh to indicate he wanted to stop.

But Martin saw this as an opening, and so he shoved his cane up Josh's tuxedo and laughed.

"Cripes!" said Josh.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Martin cried out triumphantly.

Josh was annoyed by his friend's cheers, so he smacked him on the back of the head and knocked off his top hat. Thinking that it was a cheap shot, Martin came up behind his friend and smacked his cane into the back of Josh's leg to force him to the carpet with a howl. He came back up and growled to himself.

"Time out!" said Josh.

"Okay," said Martin after he picked up his hat.

The two men walked up to the overseer of the event, who happened to be Tarrlok. Seeing the two men dressed the way they were and how they acted when they entered made Tarrlok think they were just there to crash the party, so he would make sure they would not do anything to ruin the gala.

Tarrlok held up his arm to prevent the two friends from going any farther and said, "Excuse me, gentlemen, this is a five-hundred-dollar-a-plate dinner. Good night."

"Oh, five hundred," said Martin. He then brought a hand into his pocket and pulled out two thousand dollars. "Oh, okay. No problem. Here. Put us down for… put us down for four."

"In case we want seconds," added Josh.

Martin shoved the bills into Tarrlok's jacket pocket where he patted them down while Josh took out his bottle of breath-refreshing spray and pushed down on the cap twice and let it spray right in Tarrlok's face. The two men entered the hall just as Josh inhaled his breath. Harley saw the two entering and stood next to Tarrlok to tell him what she knew.

"Jesus Christ," said Harley. "It's them."

Tarrlok wiped the last of the spray off his face and said, "Them who?"

"Them, the guys who whacked Cain."

Tarrlok raised his head and looked on in disbelief to see that the same men who had the briefcase and who killed Cain were right in front of them, so now all they had to do was make sure they wouldn't lose sight of them and make their move when it was the right time.

In came Josh and Martin, and they took in the sights of the hall where everybody else mingled. Now it was time for them to blend in with the crowd, they thought.

"Can't you just feel it, Martin?" said Josh. Holding his friend close he then said, "This is our big chance, man. All we gotta do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt."

"That's no problem, Josh," said Martin. "We can be classy and sophistic—" Just then a busty woman named Rangiku Matsumoto walked in front of the two, making them turn in her direction. "Oh, look at the funbags on that hose hound."

"I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti."

Then in unison, the two men made sucking noises through their teeth using their tongues to mimic Hannibal Lecter.

"Come on," said Martin, "let's go get a couple bowls of loudmouth soup."

"Yeah," said Josh and headed off with his friend to the bar.

When they got to the bar they approached the bartender where Martin said, "Hey, bartender, two martinis, please."

The bartender got their order just as the speakers emitted a low sound as someone approached the lectern. Everyone looked up to see Tarrlok stand up on the podium right in front of the huge red curtains to give his speech. Standing to his right were the people who hosted the event, Tonraq and Senna Stinson.

"Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?" said Tarrlok. "The Aspen Preservation Society is the world's foremost defender of twenty-three endangered species, and it is with tremendous honour that we're able to bring Mr. Stinson forward to introduce us to the twenty-fourth, everybody." He shifted his gaze over to the right to bring forth the man of the hour. "Tonraq."

There was a huge applause as Tonraq came to the lectern.

"Thank you, Tarrlok," said Tonraq and shook his hand. He turned to the crowd and gave his speech when the applause died. "Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Icelandic snow Noctowl."

A drum roll was played as two men standing next to the cage removed the sheets to reveal two white birds known as snow Noctowls sitting on the perch. There was applause as everyone saw the birds and knew they would be protected from extinction with their efforts.

Tonraq continued his speech when it was quiet again. "These magnificent specimens constitute one-seventh of the Noctowl population left on the planet. And God willing, with your help and that of the Society's, these wonderful creatures will flourish once more. Thank you again and enjoy your evening."

Applause came forward. Josh and Martin joined in and were so happy for what was going on, thinking that it was for a worthy cause.

Josh said to the bartender, "Can I have some pistachios, please?" He then finished off his martini and presented the empty glass. "And another one of those."

Martin was looking worried at his friend for how he was behaving. "Josh, what are you doing? Would you calm down? I've never seen you so nervous." He watched as Josh rubbed on his cane like he was expecting something to come out.

When Tarrlok got off the podium, he was back over with Harley and explained to her what they would do about the two men. "Keep an eye on 'em, Quinn," he said. "Keep a close eye."

Back at the bar, Josh said to his friend, "I'm ready for a commitment, Martin. The first time I set eyes on Korra Stinson, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her."

There was a brief pause as Martin nodded in understanding about what his friend said. "That's a special feeling, Josh."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

That's when Josh looked up near the podium and saw Korra dressed in a beautiful blue, sleeveless dress talking to her father.

(A/N: Think of the dress that Korra wore in the episode _The Voice in the Night_.)

"Oh my," Josh said nervously, "there she is."

Martin got a look at the woman and was instantly stunned at how gorgeous she was. Now he saw why his friend fell for her and why he went through all this trouble just to see her.

"Wow!" said Martin. "You weren't kidding, Josh. She's an angel." He then let out a whistle.

Josh, meanwhile, leaned his top hat over to hide his face. He wanted desperately to talk to Korra after all this time but was finding it hard to gather the courage since there were so many possibilities running through his mind: What if Korra doesn't recognize him? What if she rejects him? What if she's angry at him for taking her briefcase? All the possibilities were so overwhelming that he didn't know what to do.

Martin turned at his friend to see him do nothing but hide. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get over there and talk to her."

The words of encouragement reached Josh, so he straightened out his top hat and began walking over to Korra. He had only taken two steps before he went back to the bar and took off his hat.

"She's going to think I'm some kind of a psycho when she sees how far I came just to see her!" said Josh.

"You know what you have?" said Martin. "Her briefcase! She's gonna be thrilled to see you."

Josh considered his options and then came up with the best one. "Wait. I have an idea. Why don't _you_ go over and introduce yourself? And that way, you can build me up so I won't have to brag about myself later. Tell her I'm rich and, uh, I'm good-looking and, uh, I have a rapist wit." What he meant to say was that he had a rapier's wit.

Martin shook his head, thinking it was a terrible idea. "No, I don't know," he said skeptically. "I don't think I could— no."

"Come on, please," Josh plead.

"No, I'm not—"

"Please! Please!" Josh whined hopping up and down.

Martin had enough with his friends whining so he said, "Okay, okay, okay. Stop. What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna hang by the bar, put out the vibe."

"Okay."

And so, Martin left his top hat at the bar while Josh stayed behind and leaned on the bar's railing. His plan would work, he thought, and so he wouldn't have anything to fear.

Martin walked up to Korra, whose gaze was fixated on the Noctowls in the cage until she looked up at him and smiled. Thinking of the right words to say to the woman, Martin just took his best chance and gave her a compliment.

"Nice set of hooters you got there," said Martin.

Korra turned to see the man while covering her chest and gave him an awkward glance, thinking he was talking about her chest. "I beg your pardon?"

"The Noctowls—they're beautiful," said Martin.

Korra now understood what the man said. "Oh. Yeah. Are you a bird lover?"

"Me? Oh, no. Well, I used to have a Pidgey. But now my main area of expertise is, uh, canines—dogs to the layperson."

"Thanks," said Korra. "I love dogs too." She watched as Martin smiled and nodded. "So how are you involved with them?"

"Oh, you know, I've trained them, bathed them, clipped them. I've even bred them."

"Oh, really? Any unusual breeding?"

"No, mostly just doggy-style."

Korra made no response and merely turned her head back to the front.

"One time," said Martin, "we successfully mated a bulldog with a shih tzu."

Turning back to the man, Korra said, "Really? That's weird."

"Yeah, we called it a bullshit." Martin couldn't help but laugh hysterically at the joke he made. And before she knew it, Korra laughed as well.

"Oh, I'm…" said Martin and remembered the reason he was talking to her. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Josh waiting impatiently by the bar. "Anyway, the real reason I came over here was to… I've got to introduce you to a buddy of mine."

Just then, Senna walked in and joined Korra right next to her. "Korra, I don't believe I've met your friend."

"Oh," said Korra. "Well, actually, we haven't been properly introduced." She held out her hand and said, "My name is Korra Stinson."

"Hi, Martin Mystery," said the man and shook her hand.

"Hi. Nice to meet you. This is my mother, Senna."

"Hi, Martin Mystery. Pleasure to meet you both." What he didn't see was that Senna was expecting Martin to kiss her hand but instead he shook it.

"Mm-hmm," Senna said with a smirk on her face. "Well, I saw you come in. I was hoping I'd get a chance to meet you."

"You were?" Martin said in disbelief. "Really?"

"Yes!" Senna said with a laugh. "That tuxedo, it's fabulous! Really, I love a man with a sense of humour, and so does Korra. It's hysterical!"

"Really?" said Martin.

"Oh, yes," replied Senna.

Josh was still at the bar and he posed to get Martin to notice him and to remind him to bring Korra over to meet him.

Martin snapped out of it and said, "Oh. Anyway, um, about my friend—"

But Senna stopped him before he could say anything else. "What are you doing tomorrow?" she asked Martin. "I believe that Korra is looking for someone to hit the slopes with."

Martin was left speechless by the invitation. "She— what? Huh?"

Korra smiled and was worried that her mother might've had too much to drink. "Mom, you're embarrassing me," she said.

"Well, you are," said Senna. "I mean, after all, the snow's going to be gone in a couple of weeks, and, well, this may be your last chance." She looked back at Martin and said, "Poor thing, she never gets a chance to get out. Well, what do you say, Mr. Mystery? Are you available?"

Martin thought it over and knew that he should really get back to Josh. "Well, I don't know. See, my friend—"

Again, Senna interrupted him. "Oh, forget about your friend for one day. I think you kids'll have a wonderful time. What do you say?"

Martin once again thought about the possibility of spending time with Korra. He knew that it would go against the promise he made to his friend, but the offer was too tempting. "Well," he said, "you know, I don't know, you know. You know, the thing— part of— sure. What time?"

Josh still waited by the bar and danced on his feet to expect something but was shocked to see his friend walking over to him without Korra. With outstretched arms Josh said, "How come you didn't bring her over?"

Martin shifted his eyes when he thought about deceiving his friend, but he would do his best to hide what was really going to happen with him and Korra.

"Relax. You're golden," said Martin. "I got you a date with her tomorrow."

A sigh of relief came from Josh. Even though he wouldn't meet Korra that night, he would have another chance to see her the following day—and it was all thanks to his friend. He was so ecstatic that he stammered and tried to find the right words to say. "What— I— this—" he said.

"Yeah," said Martin, understanding what his friend wanted to say but still feeling a little guilty.

All of a sudden, Josh grabbed Martin's head and embraced him. "I love you, man," he said and kissed his friend on the forehead.

Martin felt a little awkward about the moment. "Okay, okay. You're kissing me." He then tried to squeeze out of Josh's grip.

"I love you!" said Josh.

"You're kissing me. Josh!"

Martin had finally pushed his friend off him and straightened out his tuxedo. Although he still felt wrong about causing deceit with his friend, he knew that it would be worth it to spend some private time with Korra. Besides, Martin thought, it would show Josh not to mess with him.

Turning his back Josh saw a bottle of champagne resting in a bucket of ice. He grabbed it and said with gusto, "This calls for a little of the bubbly!" He then removed the wrapper and started unscrewing the wire above the cork. "You're gonna be my best man, Martin."

"Oh, good," said Martin. He turned around to see that the bartender gave him two champagne glasses so he thanked him and accepted them.

"I promise," said Josh. "You have just earned yourself a seat at the head table, pal." After a short chuckle he began to apply pressure to remove the cork. "And we already got the tuxes."

The cork shot out of the bottle and flew through the air like a bullet. Nobody paid any attention to it, except for one of the Noctowls in the cage that could do nothing but stare at the cork it as it came straight for it. A loud squawk was then heard when everybody saw a Noctowl fall dead on sight after being hit with a cork and make a huge thud at the bottom of the cage. Harley was so shocked by it that she spat out some of the champagne in her mouth.

Everyone in the gala was left aghast at the horrific sight. One of the Noctowls they were working so hard to save was dead due to someone's carelessness. It was silent all around as they looked at the cage and mourned for the poor bird. The only ones who didn't know what was going on were Josh and Martin. They watched everyone look at the cage and wondered why they were so quiet.

"Boy, this party really died," said Josh, not knowing that he was the one who killed the Noctowl.

* * *

It was the next morning, and Tarrlok and Harley were in the Stinson house talking about what happened at the gala. Harley sat in a chair and stared at her fingernails while Tarrlok sat in a separate chair and kept bringing a Native American hunting knife in and out of its sheath.

Harley was the only one who saw Josh killing the Noctowl, and so she explained to Tarrlok how she and Cain killed the man's Pidgey (or at least she thought the bird belonged to him) and thought Josh killed the Noctowl in retaliation.

"Hey, maybe it was a coincidence," said Harley.

Tarrlok mimicked his minion's words in a mocking tone. "'Hey, maybe it was a coincidence.'" He put the knife back in its sheath and placed it on the coffee table. "It was a message, Quinn—pure and simple. I mean, we killed their bird. Now they killed one of ours."

"How could anybody whack a bird with a cork?"

Tarrlok relaxed in his chair and explained why it happened: the two men who had the briefcase were more tactical than he thought. "These guys aren't just anybody. They're good."

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, that's it for this chapter.

Josh: Yeah. At least nobody found out I killed the Noctowl.

Korra: *gasps* It was you? How could you! *earthbends a giant boulder*

Josh: O_OU Uh… would it help if I said it was an accident?

Korra: NO! *throws the boulder*

Josh: *screams and runs away*

BlueTiger321: Anyway, folks, stay tuned for the next chapter where Josh and Martin go out on their dates, and it also includes my favourite scene from the movie. So, until next time…

Korra: Read and review!


	9. Chapter 8: Two Dates, One Woman

Chapter 8: Two Dates, One Woman

BlueTiger321: Well, it looks like Martin and Josh are in for quite the surprises today. And as stated in the last chapter, this will include my all-time favourite scene from the movie. I won't tell you which one just yet, but I'll let you know when you read it.

* * *

Josh stood in front of the mirror that was over the sink and combed his hair to get ready for his date with Korra. Because of his best friend, he thought, he would finally get some alone time with the woman, show to her that he had her lost briefcase, and confess his true feelings for her. To dress up for the occasion, Josh wore a multi-coloured sweater along with red pants.

The man leveled his comb with his hair as he was soon becoming stressed out about the date. When he was done he lowered the comb and talked to himself in the mirror. "Korra Kirkpatrick," he said. It would be what Korra would change her name to when they got married, he thought, and knew that it was probably a coincidence that the two names both started with K. Josh smiled and kept saying it. "Mrs. Korra Kirkpatrick."

Meanwhile, Martin sat on one of the beds dressed in an orange and blue ski outfit. He was responsible for setting up the date with Josh, but he knew that he lied to his friend earlier and he would spend the whole day with Korra instead.

"Kinda catchy, huh, Martin?" asked Josh.

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds nice," Martin replied in indifference. He stood up and kept speaking to his friend. "But, Josh, don't you think you might be jumping the gun a little bit? I mean, you know, who knows? You know, maybe, once you get to know her you'll find out she's not your type."

But Josh was insulted by those words. Stepping away from the sink he shouted angrily, "Hey!" He then stomped his way over to his friend. "Don't you ever say that again!" Getting in Martin's face, he pointed to him and expressed his anger. "She is the love of my life! The blood in my veins! We belong together, till the mountains fall into the sea, till the heavens collide! Or until I get sick of her and need to move on." Once again, he shouted: "You hear me?"

"Okay, okay, okay, okay," said Martin. "Just calm down. Just calm down."

Josh panted after his rant and thought he got his point across that not even his best friend should stand in the way of his love life. "Okay. Now… let me get this straight. Lobby bar in the lobby."

Nodding, Martin said, "Yeah, and that's what she said. She'll meet you there at ten o'clock sharp."

"Okay."

"Okay," said Martin as he zipped up his suit.

Josh turned to his left to head for the hotel lobby, and that's when he noticed that Martin was dressed in something different.

"Where're you going in that get-up?" asked Josh.

There was a few seconds when Martin didn't reply as he thought Josh had caught on to his deceit. He finally gave his best response that he hoped his friend would believe. "Oh. I… you know, I just thought, you know, when you'd be off making your love connection I'd be off trying my luck on the slopes."

Josh chuckled at the response. "You mean you're gonna go out in public dressed in tights?"

"Oh no, these aren't tights, Josh. These are fashionable Euro-trash ski trousers."

"Pretty revealing," Josh said with a smirk.

Martin looked down to see his crotch bulging out from underneath the suit. "Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, but it's just a tiny lump. No one'll notice."

Martin looked hurt by the words and walked away saying, "You're right: I can't go out dressed like this."

Josh stayed behind and wondered if he hurt his friend's feelings. But then he shrugged it off and got ready for his date.

* * *

The ski slopes of Aspen were packed with people. Everyone who travelled there wanted to partake of the famed hills and see the breathtaking views before it was too late.

Inside a lodge sat Korra at her own table while she ate her breakfast in peace. The date that her mother pushed on her was just another ruse that would be set up to make people believe that the Stinsons were going about their business as usual, but maybe, she thought, it might actually be relaxing to spend some time with Martin since he seemed very nice.

Korra sipped on her glass of orange juice and then saw a man dressed in an orange and blue ski suit enter the lodge with his skis on his feet and wearing a blue ski helmet shaped to look like a shark's head. When he took off the helmet he revealed himself to be Martin.

Martin scanned the area to find Korra until she saw her at a table smiling back at him.

"Hey!" said Martin. "Coming!"

Turning around with some difficulty due to the skis on his feet, Martin headed over to Korra but accidentally knocked over a pair of skis that were supporting a ski rack. A loud crash was heard as the skis toppled over and ended up on the floor and startled everyone in the lodge. Martin gave a sheepish glance at everyone for his accident.

"Nice going, buddy!" said a man named Captain Hero sarcastically.

Everyone saw Martin waving at a woman and they turned to see Korra waving back with an embarrassed look on her face.

* * *

Josh walked down the staircase of the Hotel Danbury dressed in a multi-coloured wool jacket, yellow gloves and a white Stetson hat. When he got to the ground floor, he stopped underneath the antler chandelier and looked around for the lobby bar. After a short time of mental preparation he was finally ready to go see Korra.

The man tipped his hat to a passing woman and said, "Ma'am."

Walking over to the bar he happened to pass by Alfred Pennyworth who gave him a compliment. "Beautiful outfit, sir," he said.

Josh suddenly jolted his body towards Alfred and stuck out his hands like he was holding a gun. Alfred was surprised at first but then relaxed when he saw that he was being offered a tip for the compliment.

"There you go," Josh said happily. He agreed that he did look good.

Josh opened the door to the hotel's bar known as the Avalanche. When he stepped inside he was surprised to see only one person, the bartender named Moe Szyslak, walking over to the tables and putting the upside-down chairs onto the floor.

"Hey," said Moe. "How you doin'?" He then looked at his watch to check the time. "You're a little early. We don't open for about forty-five minutes."

"I'm meeting someone here," said Josh. "Mind if I wait at the bar?"

"No, come on in," said Moe. "At least someone here is expecting somebody special to show up." Moe then hid his face away and resumed his work while Josh stepped inside and waited for Korra.

* * *

Martin and Korra sat together on a ski lift as they prepared themselves for their next slope. The sun shone in their eyes so they did their best to shield it from themselves, and the cool morning air added a nice breeze that carried with it the scent of pine needles. Martin sat on the right dressed in his suit with an orange toque and carried his ski poles, and Korra sat in her blue fur coat.

"It's a beautiful day, huh, Martin?" said Korra.

"Yes, yes, I've had a wonderful time so far," replied Martin. "Thank you."

Korra smiled and laughed at the man for thanking her. "God, it feels so good to get up here. I haven't been outside that much in the last couple of weeks."

"Oh, yeah?" wondered Martin. "Why not?"

Korra was reluctant to tell what was really going on, so she just gave him the basics. "Um, there's been some family problems, but I don't want to bore you with those."

"Thanks," Martin said, taking her advice. He turned to his right and saw frost on the metal pole. "Oh, look. Frost." He then stuck his tongue on the pole and instantly got it stuck.

Korra looked around as they kept travelling up the ski lift and saw Martin with his face over the pole. "Martin?" she said with concern in her voice.

The only response given was Martin grunting and trying to get his tongue off the pole, but the cold metal kept him from moving.

"Are you okay?" said Korra.

In a muffled voice Martin said, "Oh yeah. I do this all the time."

* * *

Down at the bottom of the ski lift were another pair of skiers, a boy named Les Awesome and his stepsister Thera Kerplopolis-Awesome.

"Let's go to the top this time," said Les.

The two kids waited for the next bench to take them up the lift and got on it, which just happened to be the same bench where Martin sat with his tongue still stuck to the pole. When they were on the bench they noticed the man sitting next to them and looking to have a miserable time since his tongue was frozen on the pole.

"Hi, there," Martin muffled and dripped some saliva out of his mouth, which disgusted the two kids. "Say, kids, you wouldn't happen to have a cup of warm water, would ya?"

Les and Thera said nothing as they looked at each other with smiles on their faces and thought that what they saw was pretty funny.

Martin slurped up the saliva from his mouth and said, "Yuck."

* * *

Josh sat in the bar by himself while the other people sat in the restaurant area. It had been several hours since he entered and Korra was nowhere to be seen, all the while he had already drunk two beers. With that in mind he soon checked his watch to see if he did get the time right or if Korra happened to be late. Anxiety soon went through his mind when he thought of all the things that might've happened to Korra, or the dreaded possibility that she wasn't going to come.

"Excuse me," Josh said to the bartender. "Is it 10 a.m. yet?"

Moe looked down at his own watch and replied, "It's one."

"That's what I have, too. Thought maybe it was fast."

Moe understood what the poor man was going through, so he leaned in close and cheered him up. "She's running late, huh?"

"Just a couple hours," said Josh. "You know girls. When they're excited about something, everything has to be perfect." Josh then laughed to himself about what he said, but then his look changed to sorrow at the thought of being stood up.

The bartender knew how to end the man's sorrow, so he pulled up a bottle of beer, twisted off the cap, and gave it to Josh. "This one's on me."

Josh picked up the beer bottle with a sarcastic look, thinking that it was just an act of pity.

"Yippee," whispered Josh.

Rather than complain further, Josh drank his beer while a woman entered the Avalanche and sat next to him at the bar, who happened to be Sheva Alomar, the woman that Martin met at the gas station.

"Chablis, please," said Sheva. She soon noticed the man next to her so she greeted him. "Hello."

In response, Josh let out a huge belch after taking a swig from his beer, which startled the woman after she got her drink. Moe turned around to see Josh make a smaller burp.

"Bad day, huh?" said Sheva. All she got from Josh was a sneer. "Me too." It was then that Sheva changed her tone to show sadness. "'Course everything's been bad since I broke up with my boyfriend."

Josh merely rolled his eyes and gave an apathetic smile, thinking that he was sitting next to some crazy lady who would go on and on about her failed relationship.

* * *

Back on the ski resort, Korra skied through an opening with ease after all her years of training. She had to admit: she was enjoying herself ever since the horrible things with her family happened. They would still bother her when she was done but it was nice to get out and take her mind off things for once. She finally stopped and looked out when there was a huge crowd in the area before her.

Looking over at the back she saw Martin, who somehow managed to get the bench off the ski lift but with his tongue still stuck to the metal bar. Korra removed her sunglasses and looked on in disbelief but also in pity for the man, so she got off her skis and headed over to where Martin was.

"My God!" said Korra. "You poor guy. Does it hurt?"

"I'm fine," muffled Martin. "I saved a seat for you." He then patted the space next to him on the bench.

But Korra decided that the man had suffered long enough and was finally going to get him free. "Oh no, listen," she said. "This is silly. Let me help you." And so she stood next to Martin.

Martin knew where this was going, and it would mean serious pain. "No, no, no, no, no," he said in protest.

Korra grabbed on to Martin's head and said, "Yes. It'll only hurt for a moment, like a Band-Aid. Come on, ready?"

"No, no, no, no."

Meanwhile, two kids named Jimbo Jones and Nelson Muntz were off to the side. Jimbo looked off amongst the crowd and saw the man with his tongue stuck, so he nudged Nelson to look with him.

"Come on. Go," said Korra.

With that, Korra pulled as hard as she could to get Martin's tongue off the bar. Every time she pulled on his head, Martin would let out a muffled grunt as he felt the pain on the tip of his tongue. Each attempt was a failure as Martin was forced to stay where he was. Jimbo and Nelson watched it happening with the latter making a "Haw, haw!" sound until Korra pulled with all her might and finally got Martin free.

* * *

(A/N: Okay, this next scene is my favourite part. I could barely keep myself from laughing while I wrote it. XD)

Martin, now wearing an orange jacket and snow pants, and Korra were now on a separate hill making a snowman. The three snowballs were already piled on top of each other, and all that was left was to work on the face. Korra was already at work by wrapping the scarf around the neck. Martin attached the last arm and looked at her while she did so. She looked so beautiful and it was obvious of what Josh saw in her. But he soon pushed that thought out of his head lest he would feel guilty again.

Korra went off to the side and came back to hand Martin a carrot and two lumps of coal. She then walked off to get the hat while the man stood where he was with a confused expression on his face and thought about where they were supposed to go.

When Korra turned back around with the hat in her hands, she saw that Martin put the carrot and coal on the snowman but not where she expected them to be. Instead of forming the snowman's eyes and nose, Martin used the objects to make the snowman's crotch.

(A/N: ROTFLMAO! XD)

Martin laughed at what he did, but Korra just shook her head and smirked. She placed the hat on the snowman's head and then removed the carrot and lumps of coal from the bottom and used them to form the eyes and nose like they were supposed to be. Martin just looked at her sheepishly and let her push him playfully.

The two then walked down the hill. Korra decided to borrow a page from Martin's book and just do something spontaneous. She pushed him gently and then picked up some snow and tossed it to hit his jacket.

Martin smiled at this and thought that Korra instigated a snowball fight. So he retaliated by picking up a handful of snow, forming it tightly into a ball and threw it hard at Korra. There was a loud thud as Korra was hit in the forehead and fell to the ground. Martin frowned at what he did. He was just playing with her and he hurt her by accident.

Korra stood back up, and she saw the man look away in a casual manner. Anger suddenly took hold of her, so she picked up a handful of snow while shaking off the snow that was on her forehead. After forming it into a ball, she threw it at Martin and hit him in the shoulder.

Martin took the blow. Now he was getting competitive. All of a sudden, he tackled Korra to the ground and made them both go tumbling down the side of the hill like they were Jack and Jill. Martin was the first one to get up so he stood over Korra and kept pushing her down into the snow like he had gone insane. Korra screamed and tried to get up, but Martin was there to intercept her and throw more snow into her face.

He was finally done playing games, so Martin stood up and allowed Korra to get her face out of the snow. Martin then got his arms up into a fighting pose and said, "Come on, come on."

But Korra only sat there in the snow and gave the man an awkward glance. Then, she laughed at him for being so serious. Martin ended up laughing along with her and said, "What?" It turned out to be a good day for him.

* * *

Josh wasn't having a good day; he was downright miserable. Korra never showed up and he was sitting next to a chatty woman who kept talking about her problems. He lied his head down on the bar while the woman continued her story.

"I said to myself, 'Run, Sheva. Run for your life before this man kills you both,'" she said. "Then do you know what the klutz did next?"

The whole story had made Josh cynical, so he raised his head and said, "No, and I don't _care_!"

Sheva didn't hear the reply, so she took a sip of her Chablis and continued. "I'm gonna tell you, he came home one night dead drunk and decided that he wanted to fix the sink. Couldn't believe him." She then laughed to herself at the story she told.

Josh, meanwhile, couldn't take any more of it so he lowered his head and pounded his fist on the bar. Any more of this, he thought, and he felt like he was going to kill himself if the woman didn't shut her mouth.

"Anyway," said Sheva, "enough about me. Let's talk about you. How come you're here?"

Josh chose to ignore the woman and said, "Bartender!"

Moe came up to the man and said, "Yeah?"

"You wouldn't happen to know a Korra Stinson, would you?"

The bartender gave the man a matter-of-fact glance, thinking that anybody who's anybody knew that person. "Korra Stinson?" he said. "Yeah. She comes in here all the time."

Josh took that statement the wrong way, so, without warning, he grabbed on to Moe's shirt and pulled him close, putting fear on Moe's face and surprising Sheva.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Josh said threateningly.

"She has dinner," explained Moe.

A sheepish smile crossed Josh's face, so he let go of Moe's shirt and said, "Oh. I'm sorry. Uh… you know where she lives?"

Moe straightened out his clothes and accepted the man's apology. "Yeah, her family has the big place up on Alpine Drive."

"Alpine Drive? Big place?"

Josh now knew where to find Korra, so he rushed out of the bar but not before noticing an old article from _The Denver Observer_ hanging in a frame on the wall with the headline _Man Walks On The Moon_ in bold letters. He saw it and was amazed by it, thinking that it was recently published.

"No way!" said Josh. "That's great!" He then exited the Avalanche and cried out, "We landed on the moon!"

The cry got everyone's attention and they all thought the man was crazy.

* * *

It was mid-afternoon when Martin drove his Lamborghini up to Korra's house. They had enjoyed themselves for all the fun they had and for being in each other's company. To Martin it was a magical day since he got to know the woman so well, and he desperately wanted to see her again.

The Lamborghini was parked in the driveway of Korra's house and she smiled at the man.

"I've gotta tell you, today was just what I needed," she said. "Thanks a lot, Martin."

Martin was so overjoyed by the comment that he slurred from his mouth. "Blell, blit blas…" he said, but soon regained himself and spoke normally. "It was my pleasure, Korra."

"So you'll pick me up tonight at 7:45?"

"Well, no, I've got a few things to take care of first. What don't we make it quarter to eight?"

Korra smiled when she picked up on the joke so she playfully smacked the man on the arm and said, "Stop it."

"Okay, 7:45," said Martin.

With their date set, Korra reached over and kissed the man on the cheek and said, "Bye." She then opened the door and exited the car, closed it shut and walked over to enter her home.

Martin watched her enter the house and was glad to see that he would get to spend time with her again. He then shifted the Lamborghini into reverse and headed down the slope that would take him back to the road. The best part, he thought, was that Josh still had no idea what was really going on. When Martin was back on the road, he shifted into drive and headed back for the hotel.

But just as Martin had left, Josh stepped out from behind a tree and was left stunned at what he saw. His best friend had set him up on a date for someone who wasn't coming while Martin went off on a date with Korra—the woman he tried so hard to have fall in love with him. To Josh, that was the ultimate betrayal. Josh looked on with sadness forming on his face and took off his hat while he wondered why his friend would deceive him like that. He then stuck out his tongue and made motions like he was going to vomit, but he couldn't take staying in that spot anymore so he ran off.

* * *

BlueTiger321: Aw, poor Josh!

Josh: How could Martin do this to me?

Martin: You snooze, you lose, pal!

Josh: Oh, that's it! Now the gloves are off!

BlueTiger321: Hey, wait a minute! You'll get your chance to get even in the next chapter.

Josh: Hey, that's right. And I already know what I'm gonna do! *laughs maniacally*

Martin: *gulps*

BlueTiger321: So folks, stay tuned when Josh will finally see Korra again and Martin will get his comeuppance. Until next time…

Josh: Read and review! *laughs maniacally again*


	10. Chapter 9: Payback

Chapter 9: Payback

BlueTiger321: So now it's really starting to get interesting: Josh found out that his best friend betrayed him. What's he gonna do about it? Read on and find out for yourselves.

* * *

It was night time as both men were back in their hotel suite. The day had gone well for Martin, but Josh had a terrible day when he told his friend about Korra not showing up at the bar like he said she would. Josh sat on the couch in front of the fireplace while Martin stood wearing his housecoat and slippers. After explaining of what happened to him, Martin felt disappointed that the woman had not made her commitment—but he already figured that that wasn't the case since he spent the day with her behind Josh's back and was about to do so again later on that evening.

Martin paced around the suite and faced his friend. "Doesn't make any sense, Josh," he said. "She told me ten o'clock sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?"

"Oh yeah," replied Josh. "Yep, I'm pretty sure. Lobby bar, right in the lobby." Looking down, he then said what he thought might've happened. "Ah… well, maybe she had a change of heart."

Keeping up with his ruse, Martin was enraged by the idea. "Oh, that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that, you know? She told me she wanted to see you again! She told me that! And now no? Now—" He stopped pacing and then said came up with a more plausible explanation.

"Wait a minute! Wait!" said Martin. "She must've meant ten o'clock at night."

Josh shifted his eyes around as he believed the lies that spewed from his friend's mouth. "Do you think?" he said.

"Why would she have you meet her at a bar at ten in the morning?"

Shrugging, Josh decided to go along with it. "I just figured she was a raging alcoholic."

Both men shared a good laugh at the insane thought. Martin was so ecstatic by it that he stomped on the carpet while Josh lifted up his feet and started kicking the air to contain his laughter.

"Oh, that's the…" said Martin, still in a fit of laughter.

"And all this time, I've been going through such pain and personal anguish," said Josh. "Such hell! For nothing!"

Martin was forced to lean on a chair while the thought still went through his head. He then raised himself up and said, "Oh, God. That's funny. Oh, that's good stuff. Oh boy. Well, listen, looks like you've got your night planned, so I'm just gonna head out to catch a flick."

"Okay," said Josh.

Walking away to get changed, Martin paused to turn back to his friend. "Ten in the morning," he said and laughed again before heading into the bedroom.

Josh laughed as well and then stood up. When he was sure that his so-called friend was out of sight, he sneered at him and headed for the bar. Josh knew exactly what his friend was up to and now he was going to make sure that Martin would pay for what he did. On the bar was a platter that contained a teapot, a bowl of sugar, a pot of cream and two separate mugs brought by the hotel staff. To Josh it was the best way for him to exact his revenge without Martin ever finding out. He went behind the bar and began pouring tea into each of the mugs.

"Hey, Martin, old buddy, old pal!" Josh called.

"Yeah?" answered Martin.

"Will you join me in a good-luck toast before you head out?"

Martin came to an opening in the wall and stared at his friend while he wore blue jeans and buttoned up a blue long-sleeved shirt. "Oh, sure thing," he said. "Whatever you think will help your chances." He then walked back in to finish dressing himself.

When he was alone, Josh smirked and put his plan into action. "Yessiree," he said and opened a drawer. "You know why I like you, Martin? Because you're a regular guy." From within the drawer Josh pulled out a small white bottle, and on the label it said _Turbo Lax: Instant Relief from Constipation – Caution_. "Yep, that's why I want you to stay regular." He held up the bottle close to his face and quoted the line on the back. "One-half teaspoon for fast, effective relief."

The lid to the bottle was unscrewed and Josh held it steadily over one of the mugs. He whistled as he poured in a small amount of the laxative and figured that was probably enough, but then he remembered that Martin stole the love of his life, so he tipped the bottle again and poured in another large amount while he continued to whistle. A laugh then sprang from him and he shifted his eyes. Now he knew that his revenge was set.

Martin was dressed up and joined Josh at the bar in a toast. "Mmm," he said after smelling the tea as Josh handed him the mug.

Josh picked up his own mug and said, "To my friend Martin, the matchmaker."

"Oh, get out of here," Martin said humbly.

Then both men took sips from their mugs. Martin soon picked up on a unique flavour in his tea and said, "Mmm." It tasted rather good. But then Josh raised a hand to the bottom of Martin's mug and poured the rest of the tea down his throat.

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm," said Martin.

From inside his mug Josh smiled, wanting to make sure that his friend would swallow every last drop of the tea. He brought the mug away from his face and said, "Ahhh" after finishing his tea. Now it was only a matter of time until his plan would take effect.

* * *

Martin was finished with his business at the hotel, so he took the Lamborghini and drove through Aspen like he said he would to go see a movie when in reality he was off to see Korra again. A smile crossed his face at the thought of spending the evening with her.

All of a sudden, his smile turned to a frown when he felt a pain in his stomach as it let out a huge rumble. He could feel the fluids moving so quickly that it felt like he was going to explode. He shook his head and focused on his driving. He didn't know what it was, but he figured that something he ate must be causing him such extreme discomfort.

* * *

Martin had made it to Korra's house and got up to ring the doorbell, all the while still clutching his stomach as the pain still throbbed and ebbed inside him. But he wasn't going to let it interfere with his date; he would deal with it when the time came.

The intercom next to the doorbell came on and Korra spoke. _"Hi, the door's open. Come on upstairs."_

The man did as he was asked and entered the house to go up the stairs to the second floor. While he waited for Korra he looked around the house and figured how nice it was for her to live in such an elegant place. Just then, Korra came in from behind him.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," he said as he turned around.

"Hi, make yourself at home, okay? I'm almost ready. One minute?"

"Okay, sounds good."

"Okay." Korra then walked off to get ready.

When Martin was by himself, he took off his jacket and suddenly felt his stomach emit a violent gurgle. Then he felt it all the way down to his bowels. A look of worry came upon him as he thought that he would have to take care of the problem immediately, or else he would embarrass himself in front of Korra. Martin then went to open a door only to find it locked, so he tried the door next to it but it was also locked. He ran to the door on the other side of the hall and opened it. A sigh of relief came to him when he saw that it led to a bathroom.

Right away Martin dropped his jacket on the floor and lifted the toilet's lid. His stomach continued to gurgle but he knew that it would eventually be over. After unzipping his jeans then pulling them down along with his underwear, he sat down on the toilet. The moment he did he opened his bowels, and then there was a loud sputtering sound that echoed in the bowl. All the pressure of holding in the excrement forced him to lift his legs and open his mouth wide as it came spewing out of his rear at an alarming rate. Martin trilled at the pain that he felt as the stools kept coming out of him. He lowered his legs and stomped his feet on the floor until his stomach finally settled.

Letting out deep sighs and holding his forehead, Martin finally relaxed as his bowels were empty and all he kept doing was breaking wind. After one last little toot, he laughed at the sound it made.

But then the putrid smell started to fill the bathroom. Martin thought that as a courtesy to Korra he should get the horrible stench out before she would notice. He opened up the adjacent window and fanned out the smell with his hands, but then he came up with a better way by grabbing one of the hand towels and using it instead. Another sigh came out of the man when he knew the worst part was over.

A knock came on the bathroom door that startled Martin.

"Martin, are you in there?" said Korra.

The man didn't want her to worry about what happened to him and also felt a little embarrassed. "Be right out!" he said.

Korra looked worried that her friend was using the bathroom for one thing, so she was compelled to tell him. "I hope you're not using the toilet—it's broken."

A look of horror was sprawled across Martin's face when he thought he heard those dreaded words. "Huh?" he said.

"The toilet doesn't flush," said Korra.

Thinking fast, Martin came up with a lie. "No, I was just shaving."

"Shaving?" Korra said confusedly.

"Yeah. I was running a little late; I thought this would save some time."

Convinced by the lie, Korra nodded and was glad to hear that Martin wasn't going to the bathroom. "Okay, well, I'll be in the kitchen whenever you're ready."

Back in the bathroom, Martin looked down in the toilet bowl to see the gigantic mess he made. He looked back up in disgust and said, "Oh Jeez!" Now he was facing a serious problem: tell Korra what really went on in the bathroom or try to fix it himself.

* * *

Meanwhile across the city, Josh laughed devilishly while he drove the Hog as he figured that Martin was probably having a very miserable time after spiking his drink. Now with him out of the picture, he thought, he was free to go see Korra and set out with what he originally had in mind.

* * *

Korra stood in the kitchen with Rosie while she held her pet fire ferret Pabu in her arms. The TV on the counter was on and displayed _A Current Affair_. After the logo was up and the trademark sound was heard, the scene then shifted to the news anchor, Kent Brockman, walking out of an apartment building.

"Tomorrow on _A Current Affair_," said Brockman, "inside the home of the Mario Brothers' attorney. And next, we'll be back in a minute with the heartbreaking story of the blind Rhode Island girl who was duped into buying a dead Pidgey."

The scene then shifted to Toph sitting in her wheelchair with Paulie in her hands. She wept and said, "I just thought he was real quiet."

The logo returned along with the sound, and then the program went to a commercial.

Korra was appalled at the sight of the story, thinking that someone would actually take advantage of a blind child like that. "Who are these sick people?" she said to Rosie.

Just then the doorbell rang, so Korra lowered Pabu to the floor and went over to answer it. Out on the doorstep was Josh, who Korra had no idea was the sick person she wondered about on the TV.

Josh looked into Korra's eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of blue he had ever seen and he was glad to be so close to her. "Hi!" he said.

"Hi," said Korra. "Yes?"

"Remember me?"

Korra was dumbfounded by the question. There was no recollection in her memory about ever seeing that man before. "Uh…" she said, "not really."

Josh was a little heartbroken by the answer, so he then jogged her memory. He stuttered, "Providen—" Afterward he spoke normally. "Providence. I drove you to the airport last week."

Korra then remembered who the man was: the eccentric chauffeur she met. "Oh my God!" she said with a smile. She then paused to come up with his name. "Uh… Josh, right?"

Hearing her say his name made the man feel touched. Now he was certain they were destined to be together, he thought.

"You remembered my name," said Josh.

"What are you doing in Aspen?" asked Korra.

"I brought you your briefcase. You left it at the airport, you big goof!"

Korra was shocked to hear those words. All this time she was worried about never having the chance to free her husband, and now all of a sudden right there was the miracle for which she had prayed—and it had come from the most unlikely person.

"You have my briefcase?" she said in an overjoyed voice.

"Yeah," replied Josh. He pointed behind him and kept talking. "Hey, I have it at my hotel room. You want to jump on the bike with me? We can go get it unless…" He glanced inside the home and decided that he should make the woman beg to be with him. He finished off by saying, "…unless you're busy."

But Korra stopped him before she thought he would leave. "Oh, no, no, no! No, no!"

"I don't wanna—"

"You just wait right there!" All that excitement made Korra almost forget her date with Martin, so she would have to inform him of what was happening.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Korra went back into the house and headed for where Martin was.

* * *

Back in the bathroom, Martin had pulled up his underwear and stood over the toilet with a worried expression on his face. Knowing that he could never tell Korra of the huge mess he made with the broken toilet, he would attempt to fix it and make the waste go away.

The toilet's lid was lifted off. Martin tried jiggling the handle a couple of times. But no matter how much he tried, the toilet would not flush just as Korra told him so.

"Come on, flush, you bastard," Martin said in frustration.

In an act of unknown stupidity, Martin took out the toilet's float arm and let it rest on the floor, thinking it wasn't a vital part. He then went back to flushing but still there were no results.

Korra heard the noises from the other side and said, "Martin, what are you doing in there?"

Martin panicked and came up with another lie. "Uh, I'm just… I'm cleaning my teeth!"

There was a clatter as Martin had removed the entire toilet bowl from the floor since he found no other way to dispose of the waste. He lifted the toilet and carried it over to the window where he emptied out all the excrement down the side of the house. There was a foul stench that came forth as Martin did so and he tried his best to endure it.

"I'm cleaning my teeth," he said in a reassuring voice.

But Korra heard a sound that was quite different. "Martin?" she called.

Martin let down the toilet and said, "I'm gargling. Just give me a minute, Korra. I'll be right with you." He then lifted it back up and continued dumping out the waste.

Korra knew that she couldn't wait any longer, so she did up her jacket and said, "Martin, I'm sorry, but something important's come up, and I've got to run out. It's sort of an emergency. I'll explain later."

"But, Korra!" There was then a loud sound inside the bathroom.

"I'm sorry. I've really got to go. I promise we'll do this again sometime."

And with that, Korra walked away and out of the house with Josh to finish her most important piece of business.

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, that chapter was interesting.

Josh: Yeah, but not too interesting for Martin.

Martin: Aw, man! I spent most of this chapter on the crapper! *stomach grumbles* Uh-oh! *runs off to Korra's bathroom*

Korra: That toilet's still broken!

Martin: Aw, dammit!

BlueTiger321: Well, folks, the next chapter will be where everything comes together, so be sure to stay tuned for that. Until next time…

Josh and Korra: Read and review!


	11. Chapter 10: Confessions

Chapter 10: Confessions

BlueTiger321: So now Josh is finally alone with Korra, but we all know that it won't last for long. Let's see what happens.

* * *

Down the street Josh drove his Hog with Korra sitting right behind him. The woman was slightly surprised to see that the man whom she thought was still a chauffeur could drive only a mini bike. Going that fast through the chilly streets of Aspen was enough to make her cling to the man's chest both for support and for the need of human contact in her difficult time. Josh looked down and smiled to see the woman wrap himself in her arms and was hoping that he was able to look her in the eye as she did so, but he knew that he would get his chance soon enough.

When the two of them finally entered through the Hotel Danbury's lobby, Josh thought to himself to begin a game with Korra.

"Race you to the top," he said.

The man headed up the steps two at a time but then tripped when he was halfway there. Korra went along with the game and made her way up one step at a time. But the man was not pleased with seeing that the woman he fell in love with was going to beat him, so he childishly stuck out his arm to trip Korra just before she got to the top.

"Come here!" said Josh.

Korra tripped and grunted while Josh continued to hold her down and make his way up to the top step. When he got up he jumped triumphantly and held up his arms saying, "Yeah! I won!"

The woman merely allowed herself to get up to the stairs and said nothing while she let the man revel in his victory. They eventually made their way into the hotel suite where they walked into the bedroom and headed to the bed on the left, and right on top of the blanket sat the briefcase.

"Look familiar?" said Josh.

Korra gasped with relief in her voice. There was the briefcase with all the money she had set up to pay the ransom, she thought, and could finally deliver it in exchange for Mako.

"I don't believe it," she said. "You really have it."

"Of course, I have it," said Josh. "When Josh Kirkpatrick drives a woman to the airport, he makes sure she gets all her luggage. That's my whole philosophy."

Korra let out a good laugh and was thankful for Josh doing what he did. "This is incredible. You mean to say you drove two thousand miles just for me?"

"Uh," Josh said, "I didn't really have a lot to do. And I know how frustrating it can be to lose a bag."

Another laugh came out of Korra. Although Josh accidentally caused her much grief, she knew that his heart was in the right place, and she would thank him for that. "That it so sweet, Josh," she said, and then leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

Josh was surprised and touched the spot where Korra kissed him while she continued staring at the briefcase. Immediately, he thought, he felt the future of him and her spending the rest of their lives together. His mouth then turned to a smile as he thought about how he was going to convey his feelings for Korra and make that dream a reality.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tarrlok and Harley entered the hotel lobby. After keeping a watchful eye on Josh, they decided that it was now time to strike and get what they deserved.

The two looked up the staircase with sinister expressions on their faces. They were going to get back the briefcase no matter what it took, even if it resorted to drastic measures.

* * *

Josh sat on the bed in his suite with a hopeful look in his eyes. He spoke with a sincere voice meant for the one person he had fallen in love with ever since he first met her.

"Look, Korra," he said, "I know this may seem a little sudden, but I've given it a lot of thought. You're the woman I've been waiting for my whole life, and I'm not ashamed to admit it." He held up his hand as if to halt an interruption. "Please… Let me finish." Taking in a deep breath, Josh continued: "I'm crazy about you. I've never felt this way about _anybody_." A chuckle escaped his lips before he said his next words. "Listen to me. I feel like a schoolboy again, a schoolboy who desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you."

What Josh was really doing was rehearsing what he was about to say to Korra. He finished off by holding his hands in the air and forming his lips together as if to practice the kiss he intended to give to the woman. The words, he thought, were perfect and there would be no way that Korra would be able to say no after hearing them.

Just then, the door to the bathroom was opened and out stepped Korra, forcing Josh to stand up and look at her.

"Oh," said Korra as she walked into the bedroom, "I thought I heard you talking to someone."

Josh walked up to her and held her by the arms. "Korra, I—I—" He was so nervous that he forgot what he was going to say, so he did his best but ended up saying the wrong thing. "I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy."

Korra was shocked by the words and began backing away from him. "Maybe I should be going," she said.

"No, no!" Josh said to stop her. He stuttered and tried to set things straight. "No, I—that's not what I meant." Bringing up his hand, he then slapped himself in the forehead for his mistake.

Both of them shared a laugh at that until Josh finally gathered up his courage and confessed his true feelings.

"Um… what I meant was, um…" said Josh. Still finding it hard to say the right words, he did his best to say what he really felt. "God. I—I like you, Korra."

The woman smiled to see that the man showed such interest in her, but she would eventually have to tell him that it was for naught.

"I like you a lot," said Josh. "I want to ask you a question straight out, flat out, and I want you to give me an honest answer. What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?"

The question was heard and Korra did her best to tell him the truth without hurting his feelings. "Well, Josh, that's difficult to say. We really don't—"

"Hit me with it!" Josh interjected. "Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Korra. Just—the least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?"

"Not good," she replied.

Josh paused for a moment and was left in shock. Here he was confessing to the woman that he loved her with all his heart and soul and she just told him that there was the possibility that they would never be together. Even though he was surprised and a little hurt by the answer, he felt there had to be some explanation for it.

"You mean not good like one out of a hundred?" asked Josh.

"I'd say," replied Korra, "more like one out of a million."

Josh nodded in understanding and misinterpreted it. He said, "So you're telling me there's a chance." He smiled and shouted out, "Yeah!"

The man nodded with approval while the woman stared at him and thought him to be delusional.

"I read ya," said Josh.

All of a sudden, a knock came at the door. Josh went over to answer. When he opened it he saw Tarrlok standing there with his hands behind his back, making Josh to believe that he was hotel staff.

"Hi," said Josh. "We have plenty of towels. Thanks."

Korra walked over and was surprised to see the man standing there. "Tarrlok!" she said. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been looking for you, Korra," replied Tarrlok. "I have some news about your husband."

A stunned look came to Josh's face when he heard those words. All this time he had fallen in love with a married woman and she never had the idea to tell him, especially after the conversation they just had.

Josh looked at Korra and exclaimed, "Husband? Wait a minute! What was all that one-in-a-million talk?"

Tarrlok had enough playing games, so he said, "Aren't you going to invite me in?" He held out his hands and revealed a nine-millimeter handgun that he aimed at Josh.

* * *

Martin walked back into the hotel lobby after his escapade in the Stinson's bathroom. After his date with Korra didn't go the way he thought it would he decided that it was time to head back and tell his friend what he did, because all he wanted was to make peace and put an end to the love triangle. He was halfway up the stairs when someone halted him.

"Hey, Martin, you never called!" said a familiar voice.

The man turned around and saw the woman at the gas station look up at him. Martin was left surprised to see her again, especially after the horrible first impression he made on her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Sheva put her hands together and smirked as she was going to confess her true purpose for being in Aspen.

* * *

Josh, Korra and Tarrlok all stood in the bedroom. Tarrlok held the gun at Josh while the two of them were afraid for their lives, and Korra was the most shocked to see the man she knew so well behave like this.

"Excuse me, gunman, who are you?" asked Josh.

"Don't play dumb with me, asshole!" said Tarrlok. "I'm the rightful owner of that briefcase that you've been carrying around!"

"Oh. Well, then…" Josh said and nodded in understanding.

Hearing that statement put anger in Korra as she finally figured that Tarrlok wanting the briefcase meant that he kidnapped Mako. "Tarrlok," she said, "my family trusted you!"

"Shut up!" Tarrlok shouted.

Korra did as she was ordered and Josh tried to reason with the man in order to save his and Korra's life. "Listen, Mr. Samsonite," he said, thinking the briefcase's logo was Tarrlok's last name, "about the briefcase—my friend Martin and I have every intention of fully reimbursing you."

Tarrlok was confused by the statement and said, "What?" He then headed for the briefcase but then thought against it since there was the possibility that the two would try to ambush him. He then pointed the gun at Korra. "You open it up. Open it up!" he said demandingly.

"Go ahead, open it up," Josh said to Korra. "Do what he says. Hurry."

Korra slowly made her way over to the briefcase while Tarrlok kept the gun pointed at her. When the briefcase was opened, both Korra and Tarrlok were stunned to find what was inside it while Josh stood with a smile on his face. Instead of millions of dollars inside the briefcase, all that was there was a pile of loose paper.

Tarrlok picked up the papers and said, "What is this? What is this? Where's all the money?" He tried rifling through the pile to see if any bills were left, but he ended up finding more paper.

"That's as good as money, sir: those are IOUs," said Josh. "Go ahead and add it up. Every cent's accounted for." He went to the briefcase to pick up an IOU while Tarrlok kept the gun on him. "Look. See this? That's a car. Two hundred and seventy-five thou… Might want to hang on to that one."

Josh put the IOU back while Tarrlok shook his head in disbelief. Rage immediately went through his head to see that the man spent all his money after all the effort he put into his plan to get it. The worst part was hearing that Josh had the intention of paying him back but knew that there was no way it was going to happen since there was more money in that briefcase than he would make in a lifetime.

"You're a dead man," said Tarrlok. "YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!"

* * *

Martin got up to the doors that led to his suite after his chat with Sheva. A sigh came out of him as he dreaded of what he would have to do when he got inside, especially since it involved his friend. But he knew that there was no turning back; the fate of their friendship hanged in the balance and he had to fix it right away. Unlocking the door and stepping inside, he shut the door behind him to begin what he knew was going to take a lot of effort.

"Josh," he called and threw his keys into a bowl, "I'm home!" He then took off his jacket and headed for the bedroom. "Look, we've got to have a serious talk. I've got a confession to make."

Walking into the bedroom, Martin saw Josh and Korra lying on the bed on the right, but what he didn't see was that they were tied to each other by a set of handcuffs that looped around the curtain holder. Both of them shared a look of fear as they saw Martin enter with Tarrlok stepping up behind him.

"Oh, good. You found her," said Martin. He turned to walk out and said, "I'll leave you two alone."

But Martin froze on the spot when he saw Tarrlok hold the gun at his face.

"No," said Tarrlok. "Stay." He then proceeded to push Martin on the bed where Josh and Korra sat.

All three of them were now being held as hostages. Out of a fit of rage, Josh picked up a pillow with his free hand and threw it on the floor.

A few minutes had passed as Tarrlok was on the phone with his gun still aimed at his hostages. After his plan to extort money from the Stinsons had failed and he was revealed to have kidnapped Korra's husband, he had no choice but to flee the country. But he also knew that he could not leave any witnesses.

"Yes, I'd like a one-way ticket to Amsterdam departing as soon as possible, please," Tarrlok said on the phone.

Meanwhile, Josh and Martin could barely look each other in the eye as they were both filled with rage at what was said and done. Josh wanted nothing more than to be with Korra and his friend betrayed him by stealing her away. But Martin knew that he had a good reason for his actions—and he would tell his former friend why.

Korra was still confused by their relationship, so she asked, "How do you two know each other?"

"We used to be best friends," replied Josh.

"Yeah," said Martin, "until he turned into a backstabber."

"Me a backstabber?" Josh leaned in as far as he could so he could show how furious he was. "You got a lot of nerve. You knew I was crazy about her!"

Martin also leaned in and retorted, "And you knew I was crazy about Jenni Anderson, and that didn't stop you, did it?"

All Josh replied with was a gasp. Remembering back to the conversation he had about Martin's ex-girlfriend, he knew that it would eventually come to the time that he would have to reveal to him that she cheated on Martin with Josh—but he never wanted it to be like that. Still, he tried his best to have no idea what Martin was talking about.

"What do you mean?" said Josh.

"'What do you mean'?" Martin mimicked mockingly. "Don't deny it, Josh. Jenni told me the whole sleazy story, Mr. French Tickler."

Josh saw that Martin didn't buy his deniability, so he looked away in shame.

Tarrlok was still on the phone finishing up his conversation with the airport. "Okay, what time does it—what time does that leave?" he said. "Thank you. Wait a second. Can I have a vegetarian meal?"

Back on the bed, the two former friends continued their argument with Korra having to endure it with displeasure. She knew that it was a mistake made by the two men but she was hoping they would set their minds on what was happening to them right then and there.

"I guess we both learned a little something about each other today, didn't we?" said Martin.

"Yeah, you said it, pal," said Josh. "Maybe we're not as good of friends as we thought we were."

"I guess not."

"I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart like this, then maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now."

Martin was glad to hear those words, so he looked Josh in the eye and said, "You just tell me where to sign, bud."

"Right on my ass after you kiss it!" exclaimed Josh.

"Kiss it?" yelled Martin. "You kiss mine!" He then turned over and pointed to his rear. "Both cheeks! Both lips! Right here!" Then he proceeded to make kissing noises.

Josh was so enraged by it that he started thrashing his legs out to kick Josh but tried his best not to hit Korra.

Korra stepped in to mediate and said, "Stop it!"

The shouting was getting so annoying that Tarrlok hung up the phone when he was finished talking and aimed his gun at them.

Martin continued with his taunts. "Put it right—"

"Shut up!" shouted Tarrlok.

Everyone was silent and remained still as the man aimed the gun at them. It was time for him to make sure that none of them would tell anybody about what he did or where he was going.

"Now, which one of you losers wants to get it first?" said Tarrlok.

Martin breathed heavily at the thought of dying and he looked up with fear in his eyes. But then, he looked over to his right when he heard Josh speak.

"Over here," Josh said with shame in his voice. His attention was turned to Korra since he knew it was his fault that he interfered with the ransom. "I was the one that got you into this whole mess." Josh leaned forward and said while blinking, "Come on and shoot me."

"No! Wait! Wait!" shouted Martin. He then stood up from the bed while Tarrlok kept the gun on him. "No, no, do me first." It was then that he tried to repent with his friend before dying. "I stole your girl, Josh. I deserve it."

"No, you don't," said Josh.

"Yes, I do," said Martin.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do!" Martin then tried what he could to rub it in Josh's face. "Today was one of the greatest days of my life. Korra and I went skiing, we made a snowman… She touched my leg."

Josh was getting annoyed by Martin's flaunting, so he said, "Okay, kill him!"

Tarrlok obliged, so he aimed the gun at Martin and fired two shots. Martin grunted when he felt each bullet hit his body and then fell to the bed where he lied motionless.

Both Josh and Korra looked on in horror as they saw the poor man die right before their eyes. But Josh felt a great sadness fill his body as he said, "Oh no!" He started to regret ever wanting his friend to die, and he felt so horrible for never making the effort to reconcile with him. Korra buried her face into Josh's shoulder and wept while he looked up at Tarrlok while hot tears stung his eyes.

"You killed my best friend, you bastard!" cried Josh.

Tarrlok said, "If it's any consolation, you're about to be reunited." He aimed the gun and got ready to fire.

Just then, Martin rose from the bed and pulled out a Smith & Wesson from his shirt. He aimed it and fired off all six shots at Tarrlok, but each bullet missed the target and went into the wall with the last one shattering a vase. Martin kept pulling the trigger but kept hearing clicking sounds as he had emptied the chamber.

Josh and Korra saw the entire thing and were left stunned by how the man suddenly rose after being shot.

"Martin! You're alive!" Josh said with glee. "And you're a horrible shot."

A smile came to Tarrlok's face as he said, "Lucky me." He aimed the gun back at Josh and was about to fire.

All of a sudden, the doors to the hotel suite burst open as Brad Garrison and his men rushed inside with their guns drawn and headed immediately for the bedroom.

"Police! Open up! Nobody move!" shouted Brad. "Everybody freeze! Get those hands up!"

Martin thought that it meant him, so he dropped the gun and raised his hands.

"Not you, dummy!" said Chris Redfield.

"Get the gun," said Brad.

Tarrlok stood where he was and made no attempt to flee as he saw that he was outnumbered. He knew that he failed and he was about to pay for his crimes, so all he could do was raise his hands in submission and accept his fate.

From within the crowd of police officers, someone made her way forward with her weapon drawn and then showed her ID tag. "Special Officer Sheva Alomar, FBI," she said.

Josh recognized the woman from the bar and was left confused at what was going on. "Hey!" he said. "Who? But—huh?"

"Mr. Mystery, thank you very much," said Sheva. "We couldn't have done it without you."

Martin lowered his hands and smiled as he congratulated himself for the good deed he did. Not only was he able to save his friend but he helped the FBI in capturing a dangerous criminal—and he felt that was its own reward.

"We've been following you guys all the way from Providence," said Sheva.

"What's going on, Martin?" said Josh. He then looked at his friend like he was some kind of double agent. "Your name _is_ Martin, isn't it?"

"Yeah," explained Martin and pointed to Sheva, "she grabbed me in the lobby, explained what was up." He then ripped open his shirt to reveal he wore body armour underneath it. "Then they slapped this bulletproof vest on me and gave me a gun."

"But what if he shot you in the face?" asked Josh.

Martin gave a perplexed look at Sheva and wanted to know if that scenario were to happen. "What if he shot me in the face?"

"That's a risk we were willing to take," replied Sheva.

Josh was still confused about the whole thing. All this time the FBI followed him and Martin across the country and waited for the right moment to reveal themselves and save their lives, but there was still one question nagging at the back of his mind.

"How come I didn't get a gun?" Josh said out of jealousy. He turned to Korra and said, "Did you get a gun?"

Korra merely rolled her eyes at the question.

* * *

Outside the hotel police stood and barricaded it from the public, and out came Tarrlok and Harley handcuffed as they were arrested and charged with kidnapping, extortion, assault with a deadly weapon, and attempted murder. Both of them were angered that their plan was foiled by two men who were innocently caught up in it. The police led them over to a cruiser where they were forced into the backseat. Once they were seated, the cruiser drove out of the hotel parking lot with its sirens blazing.

Off to the side Alfred Pennyworth spoke to the police to consult about the damages made to the hotel suite and Korra spoke to Brad and Sheva about what happened about the ransom and kidnapping.

Josh and Martin stood in front of everyone and took in the scene before them. Never had they ever imagined something as unbelievable as a kidnapping and ransom to happen and for them to get involved in it. Even though their interference was unintentional, they were able to help work things out in what little way they could. But Josh was particularly glad that his friend was able to save his life and would be forever grateful.

"You were right, Josh: she was definitely worth the trip," said Martin.

"Yeah," Josh said in agreement. "She's something, ain't she, Martin? I'm glad we were able to help her out."

Suddenly, another police cruiser drove up to the hotel and stopped right next to Korra. The driver's side backdoor opened up and out stepped a twenty-seven-year-old man. His black hair was cut short and his amber eyes shined in the moonlight. He was dressed in a long grey coat with black pants, grey boots, black fingerless gloves and a red scarf wrapped around his neck. He kept the blanket wrapped around himself as he walked towards Korra as he appeared to be in pain. When the door was closed shut, Korra turned around to see the man and was surprised. She immediately embraced the man.

"Mako!" she said.

The man, now revealed to be Korra's husband Mako, let in a deep breath as her arms squeezed against his aching body. "Easy, easy," he said.

"You're okay," Korra said in a happy voice. But then she saw that she was causing him unintentional pain and knew it was probably from Tarrlok keeping him under hostile conditions. "I'm sorry."

"Okay, I'm just a little sore."

"Oh, sweetie."

"Oh, baby, I missed your loving."

Josh and Martin saw the woman reunite with her husband, but Josh looked stunned at the sight. His travel to Aspen was for naught as he finally saw the woman he thought was his true love with the one man who stood in his way.

"Honey," said Korra, "there's someone I want to introduce you to. He's the kindest, gentlest man I've ever met. Will you meet him?"

"Sure," said Mako.

_All of a sudden, Brad looked up and shouted, _"He's got a gun!"

_Josh had a look of insanity on his face when he pulled out a Smith & Wesson and opened fire on Mako, which put fear in Martin for seeing his friend act in such a terrible way. Korra could do nothing but watch as her husband took each bullet in the chest._

"DIE!" _shouted Josh. He reveled in the pleasure of watching the man have the last of his life drift away._

"Josh?" said Korra. "Josh!"

Josh was brought back to reality when Korra called out to him. He stared at the ground while his fantasy was still fresh in his mind until he faced the couple, saying, "Huh?"

"I said this is my husband Mako," said Korra.

Josh, swallowing his pride, smiled and shook hands with the man. "Oh," he said. "Hi, Mako."

"Hi," Mako said in return.

"I'm so happy for you," Josh said in a fake happy tone.

"Thank you." He looked at Josh and Martin and continued to speak. "Thank you both very much." Mako felt his hand being crushed by Josh but didn't notice the angered look on the man's face. "I owe you both a debt of gratitude."

Josh squeezed as hard as he could while he stared furiously at Mako. He tried to be the bigger man by accepting the appreciations from the couple, but the realization that he and Korra would never be together was so great for him that he lashed out at her husband. It was then that Mako got his hand free.

"Thank you," Mako said again.

The couple smiled blissfully at each other and walked away, happy that the nightmare was finally over and they could live their lives together in peace. Josh and Martin stayed behind and watched them leave with Josh sneering at Mako.

* * *

BlueTiger321: Hooray! Korra and Mako are back together!

Korra: I've missed you so much!

Mako: I've missed you too! *kisses Korra on the lips*

Josh: Oh, great! We do all the work and _he_ gets the girl? That's real fair!

Martin: Well, at least we're still friends, right?

Josh: Yeah, I guess so.

BlueTiger321: Well, folks, it's not over yet. Next up is the epilogue that will contain the unbelievable ending. So, until next time…

Everyone: Read and review!


	12. Epilogue: Friends to the End

Epilogue: Friends to the End

BlueTiger321: Well, now Korra got her husband back, Tarrlok's in jail, so that just leaves to what happened to Josh and Martin. Although it pains me to say this, I must now bring this story to an end. Enjoy!

* * *

Two days had passed since then. With Korra and Mako back together, they lived happily and never had a care in their heads. But not all was well for everyone. Along the interstate in a dry, desolate region, Josh and Martin walked down the side to head back for Providence with the sun glaring over them and a crow cawing in the distance. Due to the police confiscating everything they purchased with Korra's money, they were back to wearing their regular clothes and had no other means of transportation. Josh kicked at a rock while walking and carrying their only bag until he finally got bored and kicked it into the dirt.

The two men felt miserable about their situation. They went in to Aspen with barely anything, then they lived like millionaires in the city, and they came out with even less than when they began.

"I can't believe this, Josh," said Martin and stopped on the spot. "First Korra dumps us, then the cops take our nest egg, and then our Hog breaks down."

Josh also halted, then turned to his friend and said, "Yeah! When are we ever gonna catch a break?"

Just then, a Greyhound bus stopped right next to the men. Painted on the side was a huge sign that said _Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Tour_. The sounds of windows opening got the men's attention and they looked up with stunned faces to see dozens of beautiful women wearing only bikinis looking down on them like they were gods looking down on worshippers. Josh and Martin opened their mouths wide at the sight, both thinking that neither of them had ever seen so many women stare at them before in their lives.

The doors to the bus opened up and out stepped three bikini-clad girls named Amy Wong, Frankie Foster and Juliet Starling to greet the men.

"Hi," said Frankie.

"Hey there," said Juliet.

"Hi, guys!" said Amy. "We're going on a national bikini tour, and we're looking for two oil boys who can grease us up before each competition."

Josh and Martin looked at each other and smiled wide with excitement. Beautiful women sought their help and they were the only ones who could give them what they needed—and who were they to turn down the requests of girls in need?

Martin looked back at the girls and said, "You are in luck!" He then pointed down the road. "There's a town about three miles that way. I'm sure you'll find a couple guys there."

Josh remained silent and nodded his head in agreement and winked.

All three women gave odd stares at the two men, each of them thinking that wasn't what was implied when they asked for help.

"Okay, thanks," said Amy.

"Bye," said Frankie.

"See ya," said Juliet.

The women stepped back into the bus with the doors shutting behind them.

As the two men stood and waved when the bus began to depart, Josh soon had the notion that Martin made a huge mistake. He grabbed his friend by the head and pulled him in close while giving him a horrified glance.

"Do you realize what you've done?" Josh shouted. He let go and ran after the bus shouting, "Hey!"

Martin picked up the bag that Josh dropped and ran after his friend while shouting, "Josh! Josh!"

When Josh was close enough to the bus he pounded his hand against the side to get it to stop. It finally halted on the road and the doors opened up. Josh went up to the entrance and paused to catch his breath while Martin stood behind him. Now, Josh thought, he was going to set things right.

"You'll have to excuse my friend—he's a little slow," said Josh. He then looked down the opposite direction of the road and pointed. "The town is back _that_ way."

All the women on the bus shared the same strange look they gave the men, figuring how dense the boys had to be not to notice what they were implying. But the bus driver took Josh's advice and turned the bus around to head in the direction in which the bus came. Josh and Martin were left on the road watching the bus drive out of sight and thought how fortunate the women would be to find some willing men to help them.

"Wow," said Josh. "Two lucky guys are gonna be driving around with those girls for the next couple of months."

"Yeah," said Martin. "Don't worry; we'll catch our break too. Just gotta keep our eyes open."

"Yeah."

The two friends then turned around and continued walking down the interstate. Josh soon got bored and began to play Tag.

"You're it," he said and tapped Martin.

"You're it," Martin said, tapping Josh back.

"You're it. Quitsies."

"You're it. Anti-quitsies, double stamp."

"You're it. Anti-quitsies, triple stamp. No erasies. None at all."

"You can't triple stamp," said Martin.

"Yes, if you have a double stamp, of course you can," said Josh.

"You can't triple stamp!"

But Josh merely covered his ears and tuned out Martin by singing to himself.

"You can't if you have a double stamp!" Martin continued. "You can't triple stamp! The rule! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Josh! Josh! Josh!"

All Martin got was Josh turning to him and blowing out a raspberry. So the two men walked down the road, best friends forever.

**THE END**

* * *

BlueTiger321: Well, that's it! The story's over!

Josh: Aw, man! Is it too late to get on that bus full of hot women?

Martin: It's too late.

Korra: At least you guys are still friends.

Josh: Oh yeah, that's all I need right now.

BlueTiger321: So folks, thank you for reading my story and I hope you enjoyed it, and a big thanks goes out to those of you who left comments. And be sure to look in the near future for when I have my next story posted. So, until next time…

Everyone: Read and review!


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